Only This
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: COMPLETE. Things start changing quickly for Conan and his friends when the Apotoxin abruptly begins doing what it was originally supposed to. The truth comes out - but at what cost?
1. Downward Spiral

A/N: It's somewhat of a running joke now that you can tell I'm really crazy about a fandom when I start writing in it. It's like the final giant red warning flag. But ha! You've been outsmarted. Way down in my profile you'll find a few other, extremely old, probably poorly-written (omg fangirl Japanese EVERYWHERE! x.x) bits of fiction from my last dip in the_ Detective Conan_ pool. Thus, I can pretend that these are just old plotbunnies coming back for a second haunting!

However, things have changed since I last wrote _Conan_ stories, things that incite reviews such as "lol i jus love rachel with jimmy they r soooooooo sweet!1 i cant wait 4 them 2 get 2gether!11eleven". The names alone were enough to keep me as far away from the dub as possible. So, this fic is written using Japanese terms, and I hope NOT to receieve comments this time "correcting" my terminology. Ha ha. (This note was actually merited by a few reviews on my older pieces and a friend's, one of which said 'who's shinichi?' and another of which was something like 'good fic but u got the names wrong its jimmy and rachel') You're talking to someone who bought the Case Closed manga the day it came out, read two pages, and then took a bottle of Wite-Out to the entire book to repair the atrocities. So please don't ask me to change the names, and if you don't know who's who, consult Wikipedia.

With that said, please enjoy the fic!

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

-A/N: Heiji refers to both Ran and Haibara as _'Neechan_. Context should tell you which is which.-

The pairing will be Ran x Conan/Shinichi.

* * *

It began as any other Sunday; lazy and slow, the members of the household eating a late lunch and enjoying a break as the phone sat quietly on the desk in the Mouri Detective Agency. Lately there had been cases every day, sometimes two a day, faster than they could be fully investigated and filling the answering machine with messages whenever they left the office. It was winter once again and both Mouri Ran and Edogawa Conan were on the last few days of their vacations from school. Even Ran, who was usually such an early riser, had woken up well past eleven on this particular January morning.

Conan was stretched out on the couch before and after a light lunch, pleading dizziness, and Ran was mothering him obediently. It was rare to see the boy so listless, even early in the morning, and she was just a little bit concerned. He'd seemed lethargic lately as well, and wasn't eating as much, symptoms Ran had chaulked up to the winter blues, but they were so out of character for Conan that she couldn't help but worry. He would often stop even while walking short distances and need to catch his breath, and unconsciously leaned against walls and furniture for support around the house. She wondered if it mightn't be something so serious that it was worth calling his parents and asking about medical history. Conan was so _secretive_ sometimes that she knew little about him, especially in this kind of situation, where the most knowledge she could boast was his blood type because he shared the same as her and Shinichi.

He'd been hospitalized a dozen times, of course, because Conan had a habit of getting into trouble and injuring himself. He was rarely _sick,_ though, and as his current condition began to linger, Ran wondered if it mightn't be something serious. Conan waved her off, saying "It's no big deal, I'm just tired, that's all."

So tired that he'd hardly moved from the couch at all on that particular Sunday, even to come to the table for lunch. Kogorou had just left to play Mahjong and Ran was busying herself with the cleaning in the bathroom when she heard his plaintive voice from the office, raspy and a little distressed. "Ran-neechan?"

"Yes?" Ran stood and wiped her hands on a towel, wondering at the strange tone of his voice. "I'm in here."

"I think I need...an ambulance."

She was out of the bathroom and by his side in an instant. "Conan-kun! What's wrong! Are you okay!"

His eyes were squeezed shut and he was breathing in gasps, clutching his chest with one hand and trying to use the other to prop himself up in a sitting position. His white collared shirt was soaked through with cold sweat, and he shivered violently. "My...chest..."

"I'll call!" Ran promised, and threw a blanket around his shoulders before running to the phone and dialing 110. She explained to the operator that she needed an ambulance as quickly as possible and gave them the address, gathering up her purse and coat with her back turned to the small boy, and when she turned around again he was laying utterly still, one arm slack and hanging over the edge of the couch.

She dropped the phone.

* * *

Hours that seemed like days had passed for Ran in the hospital waiting room, as she tried to read the magazines scattered about, and found that no matter how many times her eyes scanned each page, she couldn't remember a word of what she'd just read. She wished her father or Sonoko were here to help her, but she couldn't contact either of them. Shinichi wasn't answering her calls or e-mails at all. She'd even e-mailed Kazuha, without reply, before being forced to sit quietly and hope that there'd be news soon.

When she'd seen Conan, lying unconscious like that, she'd been sure he was already dead. At first he hadn't even moved, but sweat still poured off his tiny body and he began to shake uncontrollably, as if he were possessed. It was all she could do to bundle him up tightly and carry him downstairs to wait for the ambulance, barely conscious of her keys in the door, the phone in her pocket.

The ambulance attendants were stumped. He was having _some_ kind of reaction, they thought, but it didn't seem to be allergies, and as far as Ran knew he'd never had heart problems. The symptoms he was displaying were similar, though not quite a perfect match, for a heart attack.

_Heart attack? He's only six years old!_ Ran thought desperately. _No, it must be something else, something else..._

But what?

Eventually she'd been called in and the situation explained to her in place of the absent Edogawa Fumiyo, Conan's mother. But even after dozens of tests and monitoring, the doctors simply could not find an explanation for the attack. They'd identified a number of abnormalities in his body, most importantly the way his cells seemed to be turning on themselves...but no one had ever heard of such a condition. It was simply destroying his body from the inside out.

"But what does that _mean?_" Ran had cried desperately. "Can't you stop it? He's going to be all right, isn't he?"

"We're doing our best," the doctor had said gravely.

He was stable, so they let her in to see him, and the sight took her breath away. Conan was hooked up to a dozen machines, from heart monitor to oxygen mask, and he seemed so small and frail among the mess that she was stunned. He looked peaceful underneath all the tubes and wires that were keeping him going, wearing a thin blue nightshirt, his glasses and clothes were folded up neatly and placed on the storage cabinet. He was fast asleep, or drugged, or both.

He was unconscious for more than three days. Ran slept, bathed and ate at the hospital, passing her days reading aloud to him, everything from her favourite romance novels to Holmes, thinking to stir him into consciousness. The Detective Boys appeared intermittently, and Professor Agasa came often with Haibara Ai, coaxing Ran out of the room to get fresh air whenever he could. Haibara sat alone in the room with Conan when Ran was out, intently taking note of the equipment that surrounded him.

On the third day Hattori Heiji arrived from Osaka, carrying a duffel with enough supplies to keep him in Tokyo for a week. Haibara was guarding the patient when the Western detective arrived with a sombre face. "Hey there, 'Neechan."

Haibara regarded him coolly. "I thought you might show up. Kudo-kun isn't looking so great." The young scientist seated herself in the chair beside the hospital bed.

Heiji sat in the other chair and took off his baseball cap, placing it on the bedside table. "Has he woken up at all?"

"Just once." Haibara paused. "Yesterday afternoon, when he asked for you."

"Me? Huh, I guess that explains why 'Neechan e-mailed me." He patted the cell phone in his jacket pocket. "She only said that he was sick at this hospital, though. If I'd known it was bad I would have been on the next train."

Haibara shrugged.

"Well, do they know what it is?"

"'They' don't know," she replied. "All they can do is observe him until they find the problem. Which they won't."

The detective was dumbfounded. "Why? Do you know something they don't?"

She looked at the unconscious boy. "It's the apotoxin."

"What...?" Heiji stared at her incredulously. "That shrinking poison? You mean like a side effect?"

Haibara shrugged again. "I wouldn't call it a 'side effect'. I can't exactly analyze it like this, but Kudo-kun is showing the same syptoms, albeit very slowly, that he would have exhibited had the poison originally done its work. It's multiplying key cells in his body, suffocating him from the inside out."

"But isn't there something you can do?"

"What do you think I've been doing when I'm not here?" she shot back icily. "I'm working on it. If I had a cure I would have given it to him long ago."

Heiji's dark face had turned very pale. "Are you saying that he's going to die of this eventually?"

"Not eventually," Haibara corrected. "Soon, unless something's done. The Professor and I have been awake for three days now, working all night, and the best we've been able to do is alter the temporary antidote, which is still unstable. In his condition, I don't dare even give him that. Plus, we can't test anything, so there's no way to say for sure if anything will even work."

Swallowing hard, the detective turned his face away from the unconscious patient. "Do you know how long he has?"

"No. I can only judge based on the instruments in this room that it's progressing much more slowly that the drug was designed to, but much faster than it was a few days ago. They're only giving limited information on his condition to the Professor, and the Mouris are trying to keep the kids from finding out, myself included."

"And 'Neechan is...?"

"The Professor has been coming in and making sure she's eating while I take notes. In fact..." Haibara inclined her head at the sound of approaching footsteps. "I believe they're back now." She stood, regarding Heiji with a calculated stare, and frowned. "I'll be taking this information to the lab, so I'll leave Kudo-kun to you. Try not to let that girl know how serious this is. Goodbye, Hattori-kun."

Heiji watched Ai leave the room, a little taken aback at her abruptness. A cluster of voices began speaking in the hall, and a moment later Ran entered wearing a worried smile. "Oh, Hattori-kun, you came."

"Of course," Heiji replied, trying to look as confident as possible. A strange feeling had begun to churn in his stomach, making him feel as though he wanted to run right out of the hospital and never come back. _Kudo, dying? It can't be. I'm sure there's something that 'Neechan and the Professor can do for him, right?_

Ran had been speaking, and Heiji had accidentally tuned her out. "...they say he's stable now, though they still don't know what the problem is! His parents are even thinking about flying back here from America to see him. Poor Conan-kun!"

Hearing that name was like a punch to the gut. _Damn, he's going to kick the bucket, and he STILL hasn't told her? Well, I guess he really can't, now, if he's sleeping all the time. I wish I'd asked that girl whether she thought Kudo would wake up again...what if he never does?_

"I was really worried," Ran was admitting, "but he seems so much better now. When he woke up yesterday he asked for you, Hattori-kun, so I hope you didn't mind making the trip."

"Oh, of course not," Heiji's mouth said on autopilot. _Should I tell her, just in case? Kudo will be mad, but maybe she can help bring him out of it. There's nothing like your lover's voice to keep you going, or something like that. Besides...even if he wakes up he'll probably be so drugged he won't know what to say..._ Heiji frowned. _It doesn't sit right with me, knowing what's gonna happen to him and still keeping her in the dark._ "Hey, you know...why don't you sit down? You and me should talk awhile."

"Sure," Ran agreed. "It'll be nice to have some company." She sat in the chair Ai had vacated, and Heiji moved his seat around so he was facing her.

He glanced to his right, where Conan lay sleeping, his small face enveloped by the oxygen mask. "'Neechan...it's not my place to say this...but there's something you need to know about K...Conan. I've been trying to get him to tell you for a long time, because it's really important to him, but it looks like now he might not get the chance."

Ran paled. "Come on now, don't overreact. I already told you he's been getting better! He can tell me when he wakes up...if it's so important that he do it himself.."

"You don't understand," Heiji said with a frown. "Those doctors don't really know what's wrong with him. It could be something...really bad. Something he mightn't wake up from!"

"Don't talk like that!" she snapped, and Heiji was taken aback by her harsh tone. "What's the point in getting depressed about it? They'll find the problem and cure it soon enough! It's not like you to say such things, Hattori-kun. I know you and Conan-kun get along well, so you'd think you might act a little less fatalistic! He's going to be _fine!_" She leapt to her feet and stalked out of the room, her cheeks already wet with tears.

"Dammit, come back!" Heiji yelled at her retreating back. "I HAVE to tell you, in case he dies! That kid is really...he's really..."

An exasperated sigh. "-Really in a lot of pain right now."

The tone of the voice from behind him was nearly enough to stop Heiji's own breathing. He turned. "Kudo...you're awake! Ah! I'll call her back for you-!"

"Stop, Hattori. That's enough." Conan shook his head slowly, a grim smile on his childish features. One of his eyes was squinted closed and the other struggled to stay focused on the Western detective, who appeared to Conan to be rapidly multiplying.

Heiji grabbed the railing of the bed with his hands. "But if you die..."

"Yeah." Between laboured breaths, Conan forced his vision to clear long enough to lock eyes with his friend. "I'm going to die in this body. No one can find out what happened to Kudo Shinichi, not even Ran. You understand that..."

"No, I don't!" Heiji growled, slamming both hands down on the metal hard enough to rock the bed. "What would it hurt to tell just that girl? You know she'd keep your secret!"

"Idiot..." Conan lay back again, eyes closed. "Don't you think it's worse if she finds out, just before I die, that I was Shinichi all along? That's why I asked you...I wanted you to come here to do me a favour. You have to help me keep my secret."

Heiji inclined his head. "What kind of favour?"

Reaching under his pillow, Conan shuffled around for something and withdrew it, pushing the crumpled red item into Heiji's hand. "Use this...and tell her I've gone somewhere far away, overseas with my parents. I might not come back. I can't risk telling her, not like this...not when there's still a chance..." He paused before quoting something Heiji didn't recognize. "'Men have been as bad as this and yet recovered.' Shoulto; _The Sign of the Four._ But if I don't make it..." The tiny detective heaved a great sigh. "Your Standard speech is a bit troublesome...but I think you could do it, Hattori. Please."

"Now who's the idiot!" Heiji cried, but his fist closed tightly over the bow tie. "You want me to do that with a straight face, Kudo! You can't be serious!"

The smaller boy's eyes were hidden behind his messy bangs. "After all we've been through, no, maybe not with a straight face. But I'm serious...I'm asking you just this much. Only this. Please?"

Heiji sat absolutely still for a moment with his head lowered. Neither spoke for a long moment, until the Osaka detective opened his hand and looked at the red bow tie. "Fine. I'll do it, but don't think I agree with it!"

Both raised their heads and their eyes met, blue against blue. Conan's mouth opened slightly in surprise at Heiji's crumpled face. "Hey, there's no need to get worked up about it..."

"What's wrong with you!" Heiji exploded, his expression suddenly fierce. "Can't a guy be unhappy once in a while? Doesn't the great detective Kudo ever feel sadness!"

"Well, of course!" Conan put up his hands in a calming gesture. "I just didn't think you'd be so against it."

"Listen to you." His voice had dropped to a whisper. Heiji turned his head to the side and clenched a fist. "You're talking like you're already dead. You're _resigned_ to this! I'm not upset because of what you're asking, I'm upset because I don't want you to die yet! Idiot!"

"Hattori..."

"I'm an idiot too." Heiji let out a strained laugh and drew the sleeve of his jacket across his face as though to wipe off the emotion itself. "I'm a detective...we're detectives. We see this all the time, right? Bodies, and...people we know, sometimes, leaving this world before their time. Someone's always shooting someone. But it's different with you, you know? I..."

Conan frowned deeply as Heiji paused to collect his thoughts. "I'm trying to be rational."

The Osakan boy nodded. "I know, I know. Just hear me out...if this is how it's going to be, then I want to say this while you're still here to listen. I thought I was a pretty hot detective...well...I guess I am. But I was cocky. That first time we met, all I could think about was how you were a rival because people compared us, you know? Even the second time, out at that Holmes convention thing...I went there looking for 'Kudo Shinichi.' I wanted to prove myself to you. And before I even knew you were him, you taught me a bit of humility. Looking back on that and everything that came after it..." He forced a wavery smile. "Yeah, I guess we're still rivals, but things always worked better when we were partners. I never really had a partner before, or even a friend who was into these things...I once thought, 'the more people you get close to, the more people you'll eventually have to deal with losing'."

"Hattori..."

"But it was...really great having a friend on the same level, I thought, after I got to know you." Heiji met Conan's gaze again, this time his expression controlled. "So I wanted to say thanks for calling on me when you needed help, because I know you would have done the same if it were me. Besides Kazuha, of course, you really are the best friend I've got."

At this Conan's own stony expression dissolved and he turned away. "Haha...it's because of that kind of speech that Ran can't know about this. But thanks for saying it, anyway."

* * *

_-to be continued..._

A/N: This was originally a one-shot, but when it topped four thousand words I had to start dividing it into chapters. Expect the next one soon.


	2. Unexpected Support

A/N: Somewhere along the way, this turned into less of a "Hattori has one scene and then we get to the bucketloads of angst" and more of a "Hattori tells the whole damn thing because he's awesome, also the fic just multiplied by about twenty thousand words" kind of story. I'm not apologizing.

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 2

* * *

Days turned into weeks and the patient's condition continued to worsen as January droned on. Days after break ended and the new school semester began, Hattori Heiji was still in Tokyo, living part-time at the hospital and part-time at the Kudo residence, where he shamelessly borrowed his rival's clothes. It got a rise out of Conan, which was really more movement than the boy had been exerting lately, and it was for that reason that Heiji continued to do it. If Ran noticed, she didn't say, though once or twice she'd entered the room when Heiji's back was to her and stopped in mid-movement, struck dumb.

During the third week of the strange illness, another visitor appeared unannounced at the Kudo household one night, a curly-haired redhead carrying just one suitcase. Heiji was alerted to her footsteps before she ever reached the front door, and was in the porch waiting before her key turned in the lock. "Hey there."

Yukiko almost screamed, having expected the house to be empty, but recognized Heiji despite the shadows dancing across his face. "Oh-you're Shin-chan's friend, the Osaka boy..."

"Hattori Heiji," he supplied, as amused as ever by the nickname for her son as he closed the door behind her. "Kudo's been letting me stay here awhile. I couldn't afford to come and go from Osaka every day."

"Right, of course," she breathed. "How's Shin-chan doing? The Professor called me last night..."

"So, you know what's wrong with Kudo, then." That was a relief. Heiji breathed more easily now that the responsibility of breaking the news to her would not fall on his shoulders.

Shinichi's mother nodded unhappily and stepped out of her shoes and into a pair of slippers. "Professor Agasa thought Yuusaku and I should know what was really going on...it looks like he and that girl know more about the situation than the doctors. I took the next flight, but Yuusaku couldn't get away from work just yet."

"I'm sure Kudo understands."

She laughed. "He does - their relationship is strange like that. Would you like some tea...Heiji-kun, was it?"

"Sure." It was well past three already, and Heiji hadn't been sleeping well since Kudo had placed the burden of the secret on him. It was a relief to be in the company of someone who understood who Kudo was and made no pretences about the dangerous situation he was in.

"I'm glad someone was here, actually," Yukiko told him as she made the tea, almost echoing Heiji's own thoughts. "I don't like travelling alone, and Shin-chan always warns me when I'm home not to turn on too many lights or walk around in the front rooms of the house. He's paranoid that someone will be suspicious and come in thinking he's here."

_Not so far off the mark,_ Heiji thought, recalling the story of how Kudo's house had been searched by the Black Organization after his supposed death. He himself had been staying in the guest bedroom and only turning on the lights in the library, eating convenience store _obentou_ in the mornings and hospital food at night. It never hurt to be too careful.

"Heiji-kun," Yukiko said in a guarded voice, "what do you think is going to happen to Shinichi?"

He noticed, of course, that she called her son by his full name, and he tried to look extremely interested in the teacup. "Kudo's a brave guy, and Agasa and that 'Neechan are working hard on the antidote. If anyone could make it through this, it's him."

Yukiko smiled sadly, her eyes also averted. "I hope so."

* * *

The next morning Yukiko shook Heiji awake early in the morning, wearing a ridiculously convincing disguise and nearly scaring him out of his wits. He knew firsthand her excellent makeup skills, of course, since she'd once used them to make _him _pass for Kudo, and also knew that she had appeared in the guise of being Conan's mother before, but it was still shocking to wake up to find the stern face of "Edogawa Fumiyo" hovering above him. She had short black hair and plump cheeks, and wore oversized winged glasses and dark lipstick. The only indication that she was still the woman he'd met last night was her voice, which sang out "Good morning, Heiji-kun!" as he gaped at her.

"You're...Kudo's mother...?"

"Well, obviously!" Yukiko said brightly, looking pleased at his reaction. She winked at him. "Guess I've still got it!" She then sauntered out of the room, leaving Heiji staring after. Throwing aside the comforter, he stumbled out of bed and into the hallway, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

_Now I know why that guy always acted like he was terrorized by her. Thank God I slept in my clothes last night,_ Heiji thought dryly as he raided Kudo's closet for a clean outfit. Picking out a black turtleneck and pants, the young detective ran a comb through his hair, put his ball cap on and went downstairs to meet Yukiko, who was already waiting in the porch. "You're an early riser," he noticed. "It must have taken quite a while to get into that disguise."

"I couldn't sleep," she said softly, hugging her purse to her padded coat. Heiji locked the door behind them. "I'm worried about what's going to happen to Shin-chan."

Heiji didn't know what to say. He remained silent as they climbed into the taxi and drove to the hospital, and then he took Yukiko directly to Conan's room, poking his head in to ensure the boy was awake. Fortunately, Ran had begun to sleep at her house again, after much coaxing from her young charge. Heiji lifted a hand in greeting. "Yo, Kudo. I brought your mom."

"Shin-chan!" Yukiko flew into the room and gathered him into a hug. "Oh, my poor baby, are you all right? Are they hurting you?"

"_Kaasan,_" Conan said through gritted teeth. "you don't have to pretend I'm a kid. It's only Hattori here."

"That's a natural reaction for a mother to have when her son is ill!" Yukiko said defensively. "And you look so helpless! Look at all these tubes and wires...it's terrible!"

Heiji held back a laugh while Conan crossed his arms over his chest. "Do you really think I want or need to be told that? Geez. Why are you here, anyway? I'm doing fine, you know."

Yukiko's face fell. "No, you're not, Shin-chan. Don't lie to me."

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, and Heiji slowly backed out of the room. Finally Conan removed his glasses and held them in both hands, his thick bangs obscuring his eyes. "The Professor told you, then."

"He said that you...might not have much time left." Yukiko replied shakily. "That it was getting worse, and more quickly than before."

Heiji pulled the door shut with a soft _click_ and stood with his back to it, sliding down until he was seated on the cold tile floor, his head tilted back to lean against the metal. "Damn it, Kudo..."

Crumpling his hat in his hands, Heiji punched the tiles, barely aware of the pain that shot up from his knuckles as he did so. _"Damn!"_ he said again, breathing hard. "Why did it have to turn out like this...?"

* * *

Time began to fly for those locked in the vicious eat/sleep/hospital cycle, not only for Heiji who had been settled into his routine for quite some time but also for Ran and "Fumiyo," who rarely intersected but rather changed shifts like workers at the end and beginning of a day. Yukiko arrived early in the morning with Heiji and returned to Agasa's or the Kudo house at night, while Ran attended school in the daytime and spent her evenings with Conan. Heiji tried to be there when the others were not, because he preferred to speak frankly with Kudo when his could - and "Edogawa Fumiyo" creeped the hell out of him. Instead, he sat with his young companion and read Holmes aloud, because listening to Kudo recite the book along with him from memory provided them both with a great source of entertainment.

Heiji often had to get out as well when Ran was present, because of the weight of what his friend had asked him to do when things were too far gone was always on his mind. On those nights, he wandered Beika City, observing everything but not really _seeing_, and sometimes called Kazuha, who was far from the best support choice but essentially all he had. She was furious with him for not coming back to Osaka, and had been down to see him three separate times since Conan had been hospitalized. But no amount of cajoling could bring him home and Heiji, of course, could not tell her _why._ Kazuha couldn't know that "Kudo" was ill because it would immediately get back to Ran, and she was having trouble accepting that he and "the kid" had gotten so close that Heiji had to sit by his bedside twenty-four-seven. After Yukiko had arrived and taken over watching Conan in the daytime, Kazuha had seized the opportunity to demand that Heiji come back, and the result had been a vicious fight.

The teenage detective was starting to make himself sick with stress, but he dutifully continued the cycle, very aware that with Agasa and Haibara so busy and his mother in a state of frenzied emotions most of the time, Kudo needed a friend by his side who actually understood him. Mechanically he would rise each morning on the barest amount of sleep, usually in response to Yukiko's more-and-more despondent wake-up calls, eat breakfast with her, steal Kudo's clothes or otherwise devise plans to amuse his friend, take a taxi to the hospital, and spend the rest of the day there, hoping for a change for the better. Or no change at all - as long as it wasn't getting worse. Sometimes he went on ahead by himself while Kudo's mother put on her disguise, and sometimes he even rose before her and let her sleep late, aware that she too was becoming thinner and more morose by the day.

On one of those particular Thursday mornings, Heiji was alone on "brat-sitting duty" (as Mouri Kogorou put it, never knowing the serious danger his ward actually happened to be in), half-dozing with a cup of black coffee in his hands when a new visitor appeared unannounced. This person was quite stealthy and caught Heiji completely unawares (Yukiko taunted later that the baby-sitter was barely more conscious than the baby-sitt_ee_) when he strode into the room, near-noiselessly, stared at the small figure on the bed and said simply in Kudo Shinichi's voice, "_Damn._"

Heiji, who had been tipping the chair back on two legs, actually fell _out_ of his seat completely at the unexpected appearance of his friend. "_Jesus!_ How the hell-?"

Kudo - he _was_ Kudo, wasn't he! Heiji craned his neck to make sure Conan was still in the hospital bed - was standing just inside the door, his fists clenched, wearing an unfamiliar black school uniform and a grim expression. At the sound of Heiji's chair hitting the floor with a sharp _crack_, he jumped, as though just noticing that the other boy was in the room. "Damn," Kudo repeated, softly. There wouldn't have been any question about the voice, either, if the inflection hadn't been just the slightest bit off.

Heiji shot to his feet, the coffee puddling around his trainers. "Tell me I'm imagining things. You can't be dead yet."

Kudo regarded Heiji at first with slight shock, and then an unreadable expression slipped over his face. "Ah, my bad. I got the wrong room-"

He turned to leave, but Heiji caught his wrist. "Wait-"

"Sorry!" Kudo slipped out of the detective's hold as though his hand were made of smoke.

_He can't seriously be a ghost! I don't believe in that kind of crap! I think..._ Desperately he called the boy's name again. "Kudo, _stop_!"

The boy froze with his back to Heiji, and blearily the detective realized that something was indeed off. The voice was right, the face was right, but something about Kudo was strange...his hair seemed a bit more unruly than it had the last time Heiji had seen Kudo in his true body, and something about his eyes when he finally turned back around seemed to be just slightly..._wrong._ "I think you've got the wrong person."

Heiji was tired, Heiji was stressed, but at the heart of it all he was still a detective, and suddenly a dozen puzzle pieces came together. "No...you're not him, but you're here _for_ him, aren't you? You look just like him. Even your voice..."

The visitor shrugged. "Don't know who you mean, sorry. My name's not Kudo."

"That's some_ weird_ coincidence, then." Heiji studied the other boy's face, but unwilling to let the visitor go until he had a good look.

"Hah," croaked a third voice, weak and tired, from the bed. "It's you. I'd know you anywhere. Going to leave without even saying hello?"

Inclining his head to peer over Heiji's shoulder, the boy regarded Conan with renewed interest. "I wanted to keep it between us. Didn't realize Osaka would be here this early."

Heiji scowled.

"What _are_ you doing here?" Conan asked.

A frown snuck past the boy's blank expression. "I heard you were...incapacitated. It's going around the Second Division, and you know how I love gossip, but I had to make sure for myself. After all, they don't know the things I do."

Heiji fiercely wished his companions would stop talking in riddles as though he were not present, but the last clue caused everything to fall into place. There were, of course, _very_ few people who knew Kudo's true identity, and of those six, there was only one he hadn't been in contact with in the past few weeks. Picking the chair back up, Heiji sat and regarded one and then the other with a raised eyebrow. "Should I leave so you can talk privately?"

"That depends," Kaitou Kid said coolly, still in _that voice_. "I didn't plan to stay long, and I didn't want to say much."

"You shouldn't. If Kudo's mother or 'Neechan show up and see you here, you're in deep. You could have picked a more tactful disguise."

"Jesus," the uniformed boy swore again, "would you rather I'd have come in as Kudo _himself_?"

"Never mind that," Conan said tiredly. "Just say what you came here to say; Hattori's right, my mother's been overreacting a bit."

"You can't blame her," Kid said, surprisingly defensive. "I'm no detective, but I'm not stupid, either. I've been in and out of here watching you, too, and you haven't convinced me yet that you're going to be _a-OK_."

Heiji snorted. "If you've been in here before, why didn't you already talk to him?"

"Figure it out yourself," Kid snapped. Conan suddenly sat up straight, quite alert, and looked the thief over suspiciously.

Heiji shrugged. "Testy, testy."

Shifting himself further into a comfortable position, Conan rested his sweaty forehead against the heel of his hand. "Guys, come on, stop it. I don't need you fighting here. Please."

Mollified, Kid and Heiji both nodded. The newcomer pulled up a chair beside the teenage detective and managed to look apologetic, though how genuine it was coming from a thief Heiji couldn't be sure. "Sorry. I'm a little antsy about all this. Let's start over: Osaka, nice to see you. I was dressed up as that twit Hakuba at the time, but we got along nicely last time we met, so shall we try that again?"

"Sure," Heiji replied, still suspicious (who _knew_ what tricks that guy had stuffed under his uniform?) but willing to gloss over the details for Kudo's sake.

"So you know what's happening to me," Conan said bluntly. "Glad we could drop some of the pretences at least."

"I don't know _all_ of it." The troubled expression Kid wore looked out of place on his young visage. "Just what I got from a bit of spying on your Professor friend and the scientist girl."

"Are you here to taunt me?"

"No!" Kid's expression twisted and he looked away, out the window. "I can't believe you'd even think that. Detectives! This isn't about _justice_ or _revenge_ or gloating, for chrissake's! You're the _only_ guy that ever got close to catching me, you know, I thought I owed you this much at least."

Heiji regarded Kid with newfound respect. He'd heard the thief was honourable to an extent, what with returning most of what he stole, but he wouldn't have expected the guy to visit his dying nemesis in the hospital. The fact that Kid was here and speaking so plainly (provided he could be trusted, but Kudo seemed to welcome his presence) meant he genuinely felt some remorse for their bleak situation.

Apparently, Kid's words had even startled Conan himself. "Kid..."

"That's what I came here for," the thief said roughly, and his poker face seemed to slip for just a nanosecond. "To tell you that I hope you make it, so you and I can meet again someday. You're damn good at what you do, even if it means _prying_ and being uncouth...but every hero needs a nemesis."

"And I suppose _you're_ the hero?" Conan asked tiredly, but he wore a vague smile.

"I'll leave that for you to decide. Time to go, kiddo; I'd hate for your mom to have a coronary. Even I've got a conscience, you know." He stood and stretched like a cat, aware of both pairs of eyes trained expectantly on him.

"Kid," Conan whispered, so softly Heiji _saw_ him speak rather than _heard_ him, but the magician paused nevertheless and looked at the boy-detective. "I...well..."

The teenager coughed once and spoke in Conan's voice, but with a much higher intonation than the child preferred to use. "'_I admired you all along, Kaitou Kid-sama. I never wanted to turn you in.'_ Is that what you wanted to say?"

Heiji rolled his eyes; the thief either didn't know Kudo as well as he claimed to, or he was trying to get a rise out of the detective. Conan merely looked at Kid through alert, serious eyes. "Don't be stupid, I could never admire what you do. But I think if we weren't what we are, we might have gotten along."

"_If he wasn't my enemy, he could have been my friend,_" Kid recited. "Yeah, wishful thinkin' on my part, but I figure everyone admires a gentleman sometimes, even if he's a criminal. Where would Ganimard be without Lupin? You're Doyle and I'm LeBlanc. We're both making history, Kudo, and thieves have always needed to be counterbalanced by detectives." He paused. "I'm just glad one of 'em is you."

With that, Kid offered Heiji a congenial nod and raised his hands into the air, snapping his fingers with a brilliant flash of light. Jets of purple smoke shot out of the sleeves of his jacket (_I was right about that stupid uniform,_ Heiji thought) and filled the room until the Osakan boy managed to stumble to the window and throw it open, coughing madly - the smoke smelled like _lavender_.

When the air cleared, Kid was - of course - gone. Heiji stuck his head out into the cold February morning, but there was no sign of the magician's hang-glider in the sky or his teenage disguise on the ground. _Not a big loss, considering the reason he came. I'd never have guessed they were on decent terms from what Kudo's said about the guy._ "Gone without a trace, but no surprise there. That guy...and he damn near gave me a heart-attack when he came in, without even making a showy entrance. Why do you suppose he disguised himself to look like _you?_" Heiji turned around, noticing with a muffled laugh that the bed, the walls and even Conan himself were covered in hand-made crepe paper flowers, all the colours of the rainbow.

"He didn't," Conan said absent-mindedly as he brushed a lime green rose out of his hair, picking up a small card with Kid's motif on it that lay amidst the brightly-coloured decorations. The cartoonish head of the thief wore a frown instead of his usual cocky grin. "It was a gift, and one I never would have expected."

He swallowed thickly and avoided Heiji's eyes. "I just wish I knew if it was supposed to be a _get well soon_...or a _nice knowing you._"

* * *

_-to be continued..._


	3. A Dangerous Combination

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews, guys! I'm working on getting this story out in a timely matter because of you! Since I started working on this piece I even went back and edited some (but not all, not yet) of my older _Detective Conan_ fan fiction to flow more nicely as well as fit better in the canon. In _A Study in Shinichi_, I had things like…Mitsuhiko-tachi barely recognizing Kudo's name, Ran herself calling him Shinichi-kun, absolutely no up-to-date info on Haibara, and at the time it was written everybody in the fandom thought Jodie-sensei was a member of the Black Organization, ha ha…

Man, there is nothing more _painful_ (save for what Shin-chan's going to go through in this next chapter) than rereading your own work and being almost too embarrassed that you wrote it. I may have to make all of those stories more presentable, now…I've already rewritten the entire first chapter of that _Saint Tail/Detective Conan _crossover I started back in 2001. Painted poor Kaitou as quite the bad guy in that one, oopsie.

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 3

* * *

Six weeks passed between the day Conan first collapsed and the day his condition finally deteriorated to the point that the doctors took serious note. Heiji had been expecting it for a long time, of course, and it showed in his exhausted face every morning when he stepped into the hospital room expecting to see the worst. The weight of Kudo's secret and Heiji's promise was nearly as heavy on his mind as the knowledge that with each passing day the chances of Conan living through this encounter were lessening. They knew now, from Haibara's research, that the toxin had been festering for months on end...that even in the early tests she had performed on him when creating the first temporary antidote there were signs that the drug was taking hold. Over that time, and combined with the stress on his body of taking the antidote, the effects had intensified and eventually caused his body to simply shut down. Haibara and Professor Agasa were once again working around the clock and had even gotten their colleagues involved to move faster, despite the great risk of revealing the existence of APTX-4869's compounds to outsiders. The Professor promised Conan that he told his old college friends nothing, simply asked for their opinions and assistance, and wearily the boy detective had to accept it. With Heiji _and_ his mother on his case, he had little choice.

Heiji had been expecting his illness to worsen, and had been trying to prepare himself to be a stronger source of support when that happened…but when it _did, _it was in such a manner that even he did not know how to react. He'd entered Conan's hospital room as cheerfully as ever on a Sunday morning, whistling off-tune and carrying a stack of books under one arm. The noises he was making abruptly died out when Conan failed to respond to his appearance, staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling, his small fingers twisted so tightly around the sheets that the cotton was near its tearing point.

"Kudo?" Heiji whispered, dropping the things he carried into one of the visitors' chairs. "_Kudo_? Are you all right?"

"Ah, Heiji-niichan," Conan said after a long pause, in a strange, off-pitch tone Heiji had never heard him use before. Heiji waited for him to go on, as it sounded like Conan intended to continue speaking, but the boy stopped there without even turning his head.

Instincts kicking in, Heiji glanced suspiciously around the room for possible listeners (_Kid again? No, Kudo called me 'Hattori' in front of Kid last time)_ and then listening _devices._ As he did so, his patient seemed to have already forgotten he was there, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Kudo…" Heiji said slowly as he finished checking the room, "how are you feeling?"

"Bad," Conan responded, still in that high-pitched, strange tone. "I feel really bad, Heiji-niichan. Am I going to die?"

_That _got Heiji's attention, and more thoroughly and abruptly that a punch to the gut. "_What?_" He rushed to Conan's bedside and looked the boy over, not sure what to expect-

Wait - drugs? The Kansai detective noticed that Conan's eyes had lost their sharp, calculating quality and were now hazy and distant, unfocused. There was a new IV in his left hand as well, and he looked flushed, sweat matting his tousled bangs and present in beads on his forehead. Heiji held his fingers to the boy's skin and was unsurprised to find that he was extremely warm to the touch. _Something must have happened, and they had to give him medication…sedatives, from the looks of it, and something to make him so out-of-it…morphine? Or was he delirious before he got the painkillers?_

It was hard to say. Swallowing, Heiji was uncertain whether to try talking sense into Kudo, or try to comfort the child persona he appeared to have slipped into. He patted Conan's hand in a reassuring gesture and said "Naw, kid, you're doing great. How about I call your mom in to see you a little earlier than planned? Are you feeling up to that?"

The boy's reaction was delayed, but a weak smile spread over his features and he nodded. "My mom…"

"I'll call her right now," Heiji promised. "You just sit tight, and I'll be right back." He turned, careful to keep the encouraging smile on his face while the child watched, and then he ran from the room, more affected by the sudden turn of events than he had been since this whole nightmare began.

* * *

The rest of the day was a blur for Heiji, made worse rather than better when Yukiko appeared red-eyed from crying a short while later. She came wearing her own face and modest clothes, but looking so little like the composed former actress she was that even her biggest fan might have passed her on the street without recognition. Heiji caught her by the shoulders as she plowed through the crowd in the hospital lobby, and she clung to him and told him shakily that she couldn't wait any longer, that Yuusaku was on the next flight, that they _had_ to do something to save her Shin-chan-

But what? Heiji led her to Conan's room, praying that the boy had become more lucid, but wasn't surprised when he found Conan in exactly the same position he had been laying in when Heiji left. He turned his head slightly at the sound of his mother entering. "Kaasan…"

_That's a relief, at least he recognized her._ For some reason, after the treatment he'd received from the grade-schooler, Heiji had been somewhat afraid that Conan would expect Fumiyo's artificial face and accept no others. He even responded to his true name when it issued from Yukiko's lips again and again, begging him to reassure her that he was all right.

Conan/Shin-chan, however, was far too dazed to know what she wanted; he kept shaking his head as though to clear it of some unwelcome thought, and eventually Yukiko turned to _him_ with undisguised fright. "Heiji-kun…what's _wrong_ with him?"

"I, uh, I'm not sure. I figured they gave him something during the night to help him sleep - see, there's a different IV here, and his reaction time makes me think he's been sedated at least once in the past twelve hours. I'm no medical expert, though, Kudo is much better with this kind of thing than I am."

Yukiko regarded her son with alarm. "Why did they need to drug him?"

"Well…" Heiji trailed off and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Nobody's giving me any information because I'm not a family member…but the nurses said he was feeling pretty bad and was saying some strange things. He was in some pain, they said…"

Heiji didn't know what kind of _strange things_ the boy had said, nor had he pressed the nurses for more information (after all, if they thought Conan was just delirious, it was better not to arouse suspicion), but he could guess. Pretty much anything that came out of the boy's mouth unwillingly would probably be enough to put _all_ their lives in danger, so the fact that he'd been tranquilized to keep him under was both a relief and a worry.

Yukiko burst into tears again and hugged Conan to her, lifting him bodily out of the mess of medical equipment. "Oh, _Shin-chan!_ You _have_ to be okay! Please!"

Conan opened his mouth but did not speak, wide-eyed and shocked looking. After a moment he lowered his head and leaned against her, small fingers curling tightly into the fabric of her green wool sweater, but didn't speak.

"Yukiko-san," Heiji said quietly, "I think it's better for him if you try to be strong for now. He was terrified this morning when I came in, and definitely not himself…he was more like a _real _little kid. I don't know what they gave him, but it looks like it knocked his cognitive functions back quite a bit. I, uh…" He trailed off, unwilling to meet Yukiko's gaze. "I don't know if it was something about the medication, or if it has something to do with the Apotoxin. Maybe it's…affecting…him differently now." The mere idea of this chilled Heiji to the core; it was bad enough seeing his friend's reduced size, but he'd never expected his intelligence to be the next to go. _It can't be permanent, can it? _

"No...it's not that, it's something different..." Conan interjected, very softly, and though he still clung to Yukiko's shirt, his voice had come back down into its normal range. Heiji felt his own heart rate returning to normal as the gradeschooler spoke. "'Kaasan…please stop crying…"

"Shin-chan!" She released him and inspected his face. His eyes were still cloudy and his breathing ragged, but his jaw was set now as he tried to focus on her. "I…"

"Just calm down." He looked even more exhausted than before. "I don't know what that was all about...Haibara might...well, I'll ask her to come over, I guess..." He extricated himself from his mother's arms. "I'm okay, I promise I am. Perfectly sane, just a little dizzy. Go on into the bathroom and get cleaned up, okay?"

Yukiko hesitated. "But..."

He released her and fell back onto the raised pillows of the bed. "And you shouldn't be here without your disguise. The doctors aren't going to tell you anything if they don't think you're really my mother."

"You shouldn't be worrying about that kind of thing!" Yukiko exploded, looking furious at his nonchalance. "I called your father and he's on the plane _now_. I'm terrified here! What do you want us to do while you're laying here wasting away? Do you really expect us to pretend we're not your parents?"

"'Kaasan," Conan said in a strained voice, "do you _actually_ want to explain to the hospital staff why I look like a seven-year-old? They know the face of your disguise now, so that's how you need to appear. It's what's going to keep you safe…" he closed his eyes and breathed once, deeply. "After I'm gone."

At this, Yukiko completely lost her composure. She began to cry harder, great, gasping sobs that shook her small frame hard enough to rock the bed. "W-what are you _saying!_ You're n-not g-going to _die_, Shin-chan! You can't…!"

Conan sent the other detective a warning look. "Hattori…"

Heiji took the cue and grasped Yukiko's wrist, gently leading her away from her son and out of the room. "Come on, out here - this isn't the place." His hand grasped the cell phone in his pocket, and he tossed it to Conan, who caught the object clumsily. Then he closed the door behind them both and led the distraught woman down the hall.

* * *

Later, after Conan had called Professor Agasa to come and tend to Yukiko, Haibara and Heiji assembled together in Conan's room, wearing twin frowns. The Osakan detective, however, was immeasurably glad to find his friend lucid and energetic there, and his expression changed immediately into a relieved smile. "Kudo, thank God, you scared the crap out of me earlier."

"Sorry," Conan mumbled, looking unhappy. "I was pretty slow coming out of all the stuff they gave me last night."

"So something _did_ happen."

"Yeah." The boy adjusted his posture and sat up straighter in the bed. "I had three more attacks, worse than anything I've had before. It _feels_ just like it does when I'm growing or shrinking, but when it passes, I'm always still small. Can't figure it out. Neither could the doctors, obviously, so when the morphine they gave me did absolutely nothing for the pain, they stepped up the dosage and I got a bit loopy." He sighed. "Apparently I got a bit violent, too, and they had to put me under."

"Wonderful," Haibara murmured sarcastically.

Heiji looked at her with interest. "Do you know what it means?"

The shrunken scientist crossed her thin arms over her chest. "I suppose it means we'll have to work even faster. The drug…the way APTX works is so it only interferes with the essential systems, multiplying the cells, but in a way that makes the cause of death undetectable. I suppose…what it feels like for you, is that you're going into cardiac arrest, dozens of times."

Heiji swore, loudly.

"As I've said before, it doesn't do much to the nervous system," she said conversationally, sounding very much like a university professor teaching a class, "but it is definitely doing damage elsewhere. I also can't say that the combination of the hospital drugs and the Apotoxin in your system - which already isn't working the way it's supposed to, since it kept you shrunk for _quite_ some time before kicking in - isn't going to be highly dangerous to both your body and behaviour. The way you acted this morning is proof of that - after all, morphine only causes hallucinations when administered in _very_ large doses, and generally speaking, one does not change between that stage and complete lucidity at the rate Hattori indicated. You weren't embellishing or anything, I trust."

"No!" both Conan and Heiji answered at once. Conan cut in before the Osakan could speak again. "No, I don't even remember Hattori arriving this morning. The first thing I remember after waking up was being held by my mother and hearing this guy try to guess what happened during the night. That's it. It was sudden, too - like taking a sudden breath when coming out of the pool, and there I was." He paused, looking slightly embarrassed.

"You didn't say anything you shouldn't have, if that's what you're worried about," Heiji assured him.

Conan held his hand to his chin in a classic _I'm-thinking_ pose. "It's not that. I just…well, if this is something that'll be ongoing…"

"I would not rule out the possibility," Haibara warned him.

"Then…it's going to be troublesome to deal with Ran. I can't keep up the act of being stable if I can't control what I'm saying. She's going to have to be kept away, or told the truth about my condition."

"_No_!" Haibara yelped. "Don't be foolish! Don't you think she's going to try to do something on her own, if you tell her now! If she knows you're…not going to make it…"

"What _could_ she do?" Heiji questioned. He still didn't see the big deal about telling Ran; in fact, ever since Conan had landed in the hospital, the teenage detective had become more and more sure that she _had_ to be told.

Haibara levelled a glare at him that could have melted steel. "Unpredictable things. For example, she and her father might try to obtain information on the Organization in order to go after them while there's still a chance that what they know could save Kudo-kun. Is this not just the type of thing she'd be likely to try?"

Conan shook his head bitterly. "That's _exactly_ the kind of thing she'd do. And she'd get herself and Occhan killed."

"She can't know," Haibara said gravely, her face eerily calm. "You may not be able to hide your worsening condition, but she _cannot_ know that you are Kudo Shinichi. Don't you try anything either, Hattori-kun."

Heiji cursed under his breath. How had she known?

"All we can do," she continued, "is keep working on the antidote. I've been working with Paical chemical makeup again, trying to make the change less violent so that you might actually survive it. I'm going to warn you now, Kudo-kun, that it isn't going to be easy from here - the heart palpitations are going to be frequent and fewer between. You will either endure it or allow them to drug you. Your chances of survival are higher if they administer you the morphine, but if you continue to lose touch with reality while under its influence, they very likely _will_ sedate you again, and both situations will be embarrassing. I doubt the staff here would take anything you said about your former life seriously while you are hallucinating, but you will be in danger if you do so to the wrong person - Mouri-kun, for example, or Ayumi-chan and the others."

"That's a rock and a hard place," Heiji muttered. "What'll you do, Kudo?"

"I can't say," Conan replied slowly. "I don't want to risk blowing my cover, but the attacks aren't the easiest thing to just sit through."

"You must prepare yourself, Kudo-kun - it will get worse," Haibara said with finality, and Heiji could not miss the hesitation and regret that flashed across her face. "We're doing our best, but this is far from over."

* * *

-_to be continued…_

A/N: Did I say _four_ chapters? Ahahahaha. Forget _that_.

I know about as much about drugs and medication as Hattori does in this story (essentially nothing), so hope it doesn't sound contrived. Gaia was my Ai-chan - thanks muchly for your help! o/


	4. Confession

A/N: _This_ is the chapter that was supposed to be the one-shot. Unbelievable that it took 10,000 words to finally get here!

* * *

Only This

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 4

* * *

As Haibara had predicted after the first morphine disaster, Conan's symptoms doubled in frequency and intensity, and to his dismay, Ran quickly became aware of his worsening condition and began to spend more and more time at the hospital. Kudo Yuusaku had also returned to Japan, and had taken time away from his work, though he rarely visited his son in the hospital.

Heiji, still staying at the Kudo house, strongly suspected that the mystery novelist was devoting his efforts to investigative work…gathering information about a certain Organization. Kudo Yuusaku had friends in Interpol and the same, if not better, deductive skills as his son, and Heiji admired how focused the man was on his secret project, rising at early hours and going to bed late, carefully concealing his activities from his wife.

Initially, Heiji had thought about telling the younger Kudo about his father's involvement in his very personal case, but decided against it in the end. Here was a man capable of solving this mystery if no one else could…and while his efforts might put Kudo's father in danger, if the Organization became aware of his probing, they would connect him only to the supposedly long-deceased Kudo Shinichi. A father with a knack for deductive reasoning looking into his son's sudden death - it wasn't that strange, especially considering the man's occupation.

Nevertheless, Heiji worried for Yuusaku's safety as well as his wife's (he'd grown quite attached to the personable woman and had recently upgraded her suffix from _Yukiko-han_ to _Neechan,_ which she found flattering) and resolved to become more involved in the case himself rather than tip Kudo off. Most of the time nowadays Conan was asleep (forcibly drugged - his mother had awarded decision-making over to the doctors after he withstood several attacks in front of her) or semi-conscious, and although Heiji made the same effort to stay with him as he had before, it was much more difficult now that Ran had become aware of the danger the young detective was in. Yukiko avoided Ran even when in disguise, and Haibara had to conceal her activities when the girl was around as well, which meant Heiji was usually the one present when Ran arrived each day from school, signalling silently that it was time for him to stop talking to "Kudo" and start talking to "Conan."

He had thus unfortunately taken to avoiding her as well, particularly when Conan was fully awake and unlikely to say anything he shouldn't. During these times, Heiji would wander around simply thinking, or go about any errands that needed to be done during daylight. He would check in with the Professor or call his own father back home, grill Otaki for information on activity in Osaka, study using the notes Kazuha e-mailed him each night…sometimes he even dipped into his savings and used some of the money he had earned from consulting to catch the bullet train home, just for the evening. He was always back on the following day, when he knew Kudo would be alone, to help him pass the house until Ran arrived.

When Ran was in the room with Conan, however, Heiji simply preferred to wander and try to clear all of these problems from his mind. Unlike his Tokyo counterpart, who never seemed to grow weary of pondering, Heiji was a man of action who became frustrated when things didn't happen quickly enough. He was tired of worrying, tired of the unchanging days and tired of feeling helpless and caught up in the elaborate web of lies that had closed over him the day he had arrived in the hospital and saw Kudo lying there, barely alive. He was tired of the whole situation, and though he knew that no change was better than change for the worse, he couldn't help wishing that they all could just escape from the whole mess. When he settled into the lounge chairs in the hospital waiting room and closed his eyes, he could stop thinking just for a few moments…and this was how he found himself there each afternoon, every afternoon at four, leaving Ran alone with their charge.

This was how on one rainy Thursday (why did all their problems happen on such dismal days, he later wondered?) as Heiji sat in the lobby armchairs with his baseball cap pulled down over his eyes, Conan confessed a secret to Ran…but not a secret she would ever have expected.

She knew that he had been having severe attacks, but she'd never borne witness to one since the day he'd first collapsed, being lucky enough to visit during the stabler parts of his days. On this particular afternoon he'd been simply listening quietly as Ran told him about her plans for the weekend and her day at school, her problems with her chemistry teacher and the crazy scheme Sonoko had come up with to make Makoto pay more attention to her. Conan had seemed interested in what she was saying, but after some time he started to breathe heavily and his face twitched as though he were trying to hide something he wanted to say.

"Are you all right?" Ran asked, noticing that he'd broken out in a fine sweat.

"Heh," he wheezed, one hand coming up to grasp at the fabric of his pyjamas. "I'll be okay, don't worry about it."

She nodded, but couldn't help being concerned. He was obviously in pain; how much she couldn't be sure, as his body had tensed but his face was stubbornly cheerful. Ran wondered if she should call the nurse.

She didn't have long to think it over, as his mask cracked within seconds and he had to gasp for breath, bringing her to her feet in a panic. "Conan-kun! What's wrong!"

"I'm…fine…"

"You are _not_!" Ran found the call button on the side of his bed before his hand could rise to halt her. His face was twisted in a grimace as he clutched his chest, heaving for breath.

Less than a moment later two nurses arrived and confirmed her suspicions. "He's having another attack," one said briskly, striding to the child's bed and placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"I've got it." The second nurse was already filling a syringe from a bottle. "Stand back, dear," she instructed Ran as she stepped in front of the highschooler and administered the drug to her young patient. Ran backed wordlessly into the wall.

Both nurses checked the instruments at Conan's bedside against information they carried on clipboards, marking notes and watching him carefully until the pain had subsided and he lay still again, breathing raggedly but much more calmly than before. Finally, the nurse who had entered first left the room without speaking, while the other lingered for a moment, observing Conan's movements.

"Is he…going to be all right?" Ran asked nervously.

"He'll be fine now," the nurse who had administered the injection replied kindly, holding one hand to the grade-schooler's forehead. "This happens a few times a day. Will you be staying with him, Miss?"

"Oh…yes, I suppose I will." Ran was surprised at this; she'd known he was having these problems still, but hadn't realized that they happened so often. Edogawa Fumiyo hadn't mentioned it…but then again, the woman seemed remarkably tight-lipped and usually left when Ran arrived. She'd seemed quite personable when they'd first met, so Ran supposed the stress of Conan being in the hospital had gotten to her. Ran wondered if there was anything else important that Conan's mother had neglected to tell her - she wouldn't have even known his condition was getting worse if it hadn't been for Hattori's big mouth.

"Oh, good." The nurse looked pleased. "Just press the call button if he has any other problems. Sometimes he's a bit violent after the needle, so if he needs a little something to calm him down, just let one of us know." She ruffled Conan's messy bangs. "I'm sure he'll be good for you, though."

After watching the nurse leave, carrying her tray of tools, Ran sat down and turned her attention back to the child in the bed. _Something to calm him down? It's been so bad that he gets violent? That's more serious than I thought… _Clasping Conan's hand in hers, she scooted the chair a little closer and sat forward. "Conan-kun? Are you…all right?"

He jerked at the sound of her voice and turned his head to meet her stare. His gaze was unfocused, distant…he seemed to look right through her, though he knew that she was there, because her name came out of his mouth in response. "Ran…"

His voice was strangely high-pitched, so much that she immediately began to worry that he was still in pain. "I'm here," she said, and squeezed his hand.

He squeezed back, but it was a weak gesture, barely a reassurance. "Ran…I'm dying…"

Her breath caught in her throat. The way he spoke her name sounded so serious, without the friendly -_neechan_ to soften its harsh message. "Don't be silly," she whispered, her heart pounding in her ears. "You're going to be fine."

"I'm not," he said simply, still in that frightening intonation. "My heart is going to give out, no matter what they do. It could go any time. It could be today."

She frowned. Something about the halting way he spoke was simply _wrong_, combined with the strange pitch of his voice. _Could it be that medication they just gave him?_ she wondered, trying to hide the confusion that kept trying to sneak onto her face. _But he sounds so sad, so serious…he sounds more than ever like a child, but the words are something an adult might say…_

"They don't know what's wrong," he continued matter-of-factly, and Ran knew that this at least was true. "And this will continue until…"

"Stop it," she begged, dropping his hand and springing to her feet. "Don't _say _such things! You sound like…like…"

He finished her sentence like a nail in a coffin. "Like Hattori did."

Again, pleasantries were done away with. _Why?_ Ran wondered. _When did 'Heiji-niichan' become 'Hattori'_ _to him?_ "Conan-kun," she said gently, leaning in to check his forehead for a fever as the nurse had done, "You're probably tired, and the nurses gave you something to stop the pain, so I guess you're feeling a little woozy right now…"

"I feel like I've been freed of something. But I can't quite remember what." His eyes, still glassy from the effects of the medication and quickly filling with tears, found her hand. "I don't want to sleep. Don't bring them back…"

Her fingers stopped halfway to the call button. "Conan-kun…"

"I have something I need to tell you. It's very important," he said after a long pause, and she wiped the moisture away from his cheeks with her fingers. He seemed surprised at the gesture, as if he hadn't known the wetness was there, and then he caught her wrist weakly and held it, his face undergoing a half-dozen changes in expression. "You can't tell anyone I told you. Not Hattori or my parents…or Occhan or Sonoko…promise me, Ran."

"I promise," she whispered, aware that to pull away now was to destroy the secret he wanted to share with her. She didn't even dare speculate, though a million possibilities rushed through her mind, first and foremost…

_No. It couldn't be that…_

He brought his other hand up as well and clasped it round her wrist. She could feel him tremble - anxiety? Or pain? - and she tried to soothe him, laying her comforting grip over his. "Conan-kun?"

"Ran…" Again he exhaled her name, his eyes falling closed. The distant look in them frightened her, and she blinked back tears, unwilling to let him see that she was scared. His small fingers tightened on her wrist. "I don't know how much longer I have…and I wanted you to know…something I've been hiding from you for so long…"

"What is it?" she whispered.

He swallowed visibly and turned his head away, even though he couldn't see her through his closed eyes, and spoke again in that strange little-boy voice. "I…love you…"

Somehow, out of all the dark secrets she had been expecting him to confide, this was not among them, and the words hit her like a ton of bricks. "W-what?"

"I love you," he repeated, a little more strongly this time. "Not just that…I'm _in_ love with you. I have been for a long time…and I couldn't tell you…"

Ran simply did not know how to respond. "Conan-kun…"

He flinched. "You like someone already…someone who's always far away…but _I've_ been here all this time…and I won't take this secret to my grave... You had to know. I'm sorry. It's not...what you want to hear."

_Deep breaths._ "I…don't know what to say," she finally managed, aware that the confession must have been twice as hard for him as it was for her. "I don't know what to do."

He forced himself to sit up and look at her, and by now Ran could no longer hide the shock and dismay on her face. She had begun to cry, though she didn't even know herself why his secret made her feel like she'd been punched in the gut. _He can't be serious! Maybe it's the medication…but he said that once before, didn't he? Back when I lost my memory…he said that to me as he risked his life…"I love you more than anything else."_

_I dismissed that, back then…but I can't dismiss this…not now…_

She knew; she had always known, that Conan was smarter, more mature, more capable than boys even her own age. But did he know what 'love' really was? Did he _truly_ feel the same way about her...the same way that she felt for Shinichi?

What if he _did_?

His wide blue eyes were still directed at the sheets, unwilling to meet hers. "I know this is unexpected and unwelcome. I understand that…but still, there's one thing I want, if you could...please..."

"What is it?" Ran's own voice sounded so hollow in her ears. _His eyes…oh, Conan-kun, you look so serious and sad…how could this have happened? Can it really be true?_

His left hand broke away from hers and came up to touch the side of her face, his small fingers smearing the tears that had trickled down her cheeks. "I just want you to forgive me."

_It doesn't make sense,_ she thought, her thoughts and emotions still lagging several steps behind_. Forgive him for what?_

And then he leaned close and kissed her chastely, so gently that she barely registered his presence until their lips met. Abruptly Ran was yanked from her reverie and into a very tense situation; to flinch would be unbearable for him, but this was unthinkable, inexcusable…

But he was _dying_…or so he'd said…and he had asked…just this one thing? Was the _one thing_ the kiss, or the plea for acceptance? She didn't pull away, though something inside her shrieked to do so, and she let him kiss her, her thoughts roiling.

_My first kiss…and here I had hoped…_

She didn't _want_ to pretend it was Shinichi who was so gently holding his palm to her cheek, but when her eyes fell closed in response she could not help but wish it, wish that those _I-love-yous_ had come from Shinichi himself, not from the boy who so resembled him. _Even his scent is the same…it's just like I would have imagined it, but…_

But it was _not_ him. It was Conan, and the fact that she had enjoyed the contact for a brief second made it a thousand times worse when she came back to her senses. As they parted, she began to sob.

When he pulled away, he too was crying, and shaking hard. The tone of his voice was low and rough with emotion. "God, Ran, I…I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what I was thinking…"

She was almost afraid to look at him, but she had to confirm it - the haziness had gone out of his eyes and his expression was one of horrified realization. He had come to his senses just as quickly as they had been lost. "Conan-kun…"

"You were never supposed to know." He looked frustrated at being unable to stop sniffling, drawing the sleeve of his pyjamas across his face over and over. "_Never. _I'm so sorry…"

_Then it is true._ She wiped away his tears with her handkerchief, aware of the guilt written on his face. Conan looked despondent now; so different from the false grin he'd been wearing all day, and so wretched that despite the turmoil her feelings were in she wanted to hug him until he smiled again. "No…it's fine. I'm glad you told me, and if…" She swallowed, unsure what to say about the kiss.

"You're not glad," he replied, as though he knew better than she did how she felt. "Forget everything I said. It was the medication talking, stupid drugs, if it hadn't been for my mother insisting that they give me all that morphine I wouldn't say such stupid things. I was just talking nonsense again…"

He sounded so desperate that she had no choice but to assume he was only trying to protect her feelings. _Again. _"Conan-kun…don't lie to me anymore. Please."

His face crumpled again. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I've really screwed things up now. If you hate me…" Though Ran couldn't know it, amid all those guilty, panicked thoughts, Conan was even more concerned with his biggest secret. _What exactly did I tell her, while I was out of my head?_ _She's still calling me Conan-kun…how much does she know?_

Ran, of course, thought now that she knew everything, and she applied the hankie to her own face. "I promise, it's okay. I could never hate you…I love you too much. Maybe not the same way you love me, but I don't like to see you hurting, and I promise, anything I can do for you…anything at all…"

Conan's voice rose. "Ran-neechan…"

She pulled him into a tight hug, partially to soothe his fears, partially so that he could not see the pained expression on her face. "Just 'Ran,' if that's how you want it."

"Ran." The name caught in his throat. "I…"

"Shh." She closed her eyes and held him closer, feeling him tense as sharply as though he expected to be struck. "You don't need to say anything."

Slowly he returned the embrace, and after a long moment relaxed into it, his breathing steadying and his pulse returning to normal. It was quite some time, she thought, before Ran realized that he was no longer shaking; it was _she_ who was trembling now, in the wake of the torrent of emotions that had blown through her in the past five minutes. She felt him breathe deeply, and suddenly their positions were reversed; Ran was no longer the comforter but the one being comforted, and Conan was on his knees now with his arms wrapped tightly around her, his small hands making soothing circles on her back.

Ran held back a gasping sob; it wasn't right of her to cry now, not after all that, _she_ was the adult here…but there was his voice, a soft whisper in her ear, echoing her own words. "It's okay. You're going to be fine…"

"Conan-kun," she rasped, shocked at how weak her own voice sounded now, "you're not really…I mean…you _are_ going to be okay…right?"

The movements of his hands slowed slightly and she felt his forehead rest against her shoulder, as though he were considering what to say. "Ran…"

"The truth," she pleaded, closing her eyes.

He hesitated, and then he turned his face away. "It's true. Everything I said…I think…all of it was the truth."

"_No…_"

Again she felt him breathe deep, and his grip tightened on her ever-so-slightly. "But it's okay, I swear…I was happy here with you…so you have to be strong now too, all right?"

_It's not right!_ Ran thought._ It's not fair! What's the good of all these doctors if they can't save a child? What's so wrong with that little body that it just can't sustain itself? He goes through all this pain, day after day, knowing that he won't make it? That it'll just get worse and worse until his heart gives out? God, if you really are out there, how can you let such a thing happen?_

"Ran," he said gently, startling her a bit, "are you okay?"

"No!" she howled, and then she was clinging to him, unwilling to let go. "I forgive you! Just please don't leave me, Conan-kun, please…" Something inside her broke. "I promise not to tell anyone what you said or what we did…I would kiss you a thousand times over if it would make this go away…you just have to get better…somehow…"

"It's not that easy," he whispered, pulling away and moving down to face her so that their eyes met and their foreheads nearly touched. He lifted his hand to her cheek again, and once more that guilty look flitted across his face before disappearing as quickly as it came. "If only it were that easy…"

There was something else in his eyes now, something different, and abruptly Ran realized that he seemed more like Shinichi than ever. That astute look of acceptance, that steady resolve…Conan too possessed this strength, but rather than helping, it was hurting her more than Shinichi's absence. _When he kissed me back then…for just a second…I was happy, because he reminds me so much of Shinichi…_

_I'm a terrible person,_ Ran thought desperately_. And here I am letting Conan-kun comfort me after everything that happened…and acting so relieved that I said it was okay, that I forgave him…_

_So how am I supposed to forgive_ myself?

* * *

-_to be continued…_


	5. Western Detective VS Mystery Novelist

A/N: Seems like I tricked a lot of people with my misleading last chapter title. :P And I'll answer the questions about Haibara in this one…

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 5

* * *

"We're in trouble." Conan made a disgusted face. "I messed up."

Heiji, who had returned just as Ran had left the room looking _extremely_ upset, looked at him with interest. "Messed up? You told her?"

"Not so much, no. I told her _something_, but I'm not entirely sure what I said, thanks to the stupid poison and the drugs screwing with each other." He was sitting with his legs drawn up to his chest, and at this he slumped forward so that his forehead rested against his knees, hiding his face. "I don't know what I said, but I saw it in her face - she was completely repulsed."

Heiji frowned. "But does she know you're you or _doesn't_ she? I mean, you still have all your limbs."

"I don't think so." Conan lifted his head and paused to recall what he remembered of the confession. "She never once _called_ me Shinichi. I guess I was back to my senses before I got that far, thank God. But when I came to, I, uh…"

"You what?" Heiji regarded the grade-schooler, who was now wearing a furious blush, with interest.

"I was…kissing her."

"_Ooooh. _So you finally made a move, eh!" Heiji tried to form a mental picture of such a scene, and the resulting vision made him chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

"Shut up. It's not funny," Conan groused. "I made her cry, too. She knows that I only told her my secrets because of all the chemicals in my system, but she _also_ thinks that everything I told her was true. And it probably was, but the problem is that _I don't know exactly what I told her._"

"And what did you deduce, Great Detective of the East? I'm sure you didn't let her walk away without trying to figure it out."

Conan sighed heavily. "She knows I'm dying, for one."

"Ouch."

"She knows I like her…how much, exactly, I can't say. She knows I've been lying to her about _something_, but she probably assumes it's some combination of those things. She said that…she loved me too much to hate me, even if it's 'not the same way I love her.'"

"That's pretty thorough." Heiji grimaced. "How long were you drugged for?"

"Not long." Conan shrugged helplessly. "Less than fifteen minutes this time. The morphine is becoming less and less effective on me as time goes on…I wouldn't be surprised if eventually it stopped working before my attacks even ended."

Stunned, Heiji sat up straighter in his chair. "You're kidding. Have you told that little Neechan about it?"

"What could she do if I did?" Conan let out a bitter laugh, the light reflecting on his glasses in such a way that Heiji could no longer see his eyes. "Haibara's already doing everything she can. She feels responsible enough for the situation without me making it worse."

Heiji immediately knew what he meant. "Because she's the one who made the poison?"

"Exactly. _She's_ not the one who's being affected right now, either - every test they've done on her cells indicate that she's a perfectly healthy child. It could be because she took the Apotoxin months after I did, or because she wasn't messing around with the temporary cures all the time, except for that one dose of Paical - either way, Haibara's fine and I'm not. I think she might be feeling guilty, after all, she's the one that was willing to die for the cause in the first place."

"I very rarely see your sense of self-preservation kicking in when it comes to these things, Kudo," Heiji pointed out with a grin.

Conan responded with a rare smile of his own. "Of course; that's because we're detectives. It comes with the job, you know?"

It was near midnight when Heiji left the hospital that Thursday, after spending hours with the grade-schooler. Kudo had been unusually talkative, probably because of his dangerous scene with Ran that afternoon (Heiji had noticed that Kudo took to babbling when he was nervous), and rather than talk about current events and cases, the boys had ended up talking about _themselves_, something they hadn't really done in quite some time. Heiji had missed talking casually with his friend, even if they were usually just bantering, and thought back to their long phone conversations from the summer - the ones that had made Kazuha so jealous because she thought he was on the phone with a girl. Kazuha could be so dimwitted sometimes, Heiji thought - he'd never understand women, that much was certain.

There were a lot of things about Kudo that Heiji hadn't known, it seemed. He already had felt privileged to know that _he_ knew a secret about Kudo Shinichi that was only shared by a few. But now he had a whole host of secrets, serious and funny, good and bad, and it somehow made the older boy sombre rather than proud. Kudo was tone deaf; Kudo could quote lines from LeBlanc's Lupin novels, though he wouldn't admit it; Kudo's favourite Holmes story was _The Sign of the Four_, his preferred colour was red, his favourite television program was _The Kindaichi Casefiles_, he had a penchant for strawberries, he liked girls with long hair, his vacation spot of choice was England…

He was a little prone to arachnophobia, he thought maybe boastfulness was his worst trait, though he couldn't be sure…he had really come to like both of Ran's parents, though he'd never admit it…and when Heiji had asked about the drug…

"_Do you regret it?"_

"_I resent it. Who wouldn't? But to say that I regret all the experiences being small has taught me…then no." _He'd paused._ "But don't tell anyone that."_

Heiji didn't intend to tell _any_ of the secrets Kudo had let slip this evening. Somehow it seemed to him as though his friend was tying up loose ends; giving Heiji outright information because there was no more time for leisurely clues. Once again Heiji was glad to be in Kudo's confidences, and had tried to share just as much information about himself, but it lent an air of finality to the whole affair and he'd had to conceal his worries. Once visiting hours had ended and he'd bid the other detective good-night, Heiji had needed to calm his nerves at a nearby café for an hour before he could head back to his temporary residence.

Just outside the house, though, Heiji sensed something amiss and hung back to watch for a few moments. An unfamiliar car was parked outside the gate - both Kudo's parents had been taking taxis, as only their motorbike had been left in Japan when they moved overseas. The lights were all off in the mansion, though from Heiji's vantage point across the street, he could see movement at Agasa's place. Something was happening.

Slipping into the shadows between the two residences, Heiji waited, and was rewarded for his patience when he heard a faint child's voice - Haibara? - from the Professor's porch. "I will _not_ be held responsible by Kudo-kun if you are killed rushing into this."

"You may act mature, but you're as inexperienced as he is," an older, male voice replied in gruff tones, but not unkindly. "I appreciate your concern, but this is something I have to do."

"Just be careful," a third and more familiar person instructed. Heiji could imagine the concerned frown on Agasa's face simply from the way he spoke. "We're ready to do what we can to help."

"As though we weren't already doing enough," the child muttered, barely loud enough for Heiji to hear.

Footsteps came down the driveway and approached the car, their owner coming into Heiji's view just as the porch lights died away. He wore all black, from greatcoat to gloves, and an alert expression, already having sensed the detective's sharp eyes on him.

"Ossan," Heiji said, immediately doing away with any cover-ups the man intended to make, "you're going after _them_, aren't you?"

Yuusaku straightened; returned Heiji's secretive smile with one of his own. "That depends on what you're going to tell my son about it."

"That depends on whether I think you can take them."

"We have a lead. Just one," Yuusaku replied mildly, "but one may be enough. An office building that is _supposedly _owned by a pharmaceutical company, but the police have been watching the place for quite some time, trying to determine what exactly is its true purpose. It's not necessarily a clue to the Organization, but it _is_ something suspicious, and they don't know we know."

"You're certain it isn't a trap, then?"

"It would seem not." Yuusaku shrugged. "The police didn't intend to move at all until I went to my old friend Megure to ask about possible links to the Black Organization. I can trust him, at least, if no one else, and he promised to only put his best men on it. A very small group."

Heiji immediately rattled off a list. "Takagi, Satou, Shiratori…and you haven't told them about Kudo?"

Yuusaku shook his head. "Shinichi's right; the more people who know, the more danger everyone will be in if the wrong person finds out. He has, at least, become more cautious while I've been gone."

Heiji had difficulty imagining a Kudo who was _more_ bullheaded, arrogant and prone to ending up in bad situations than the one he knew…but he, Heiji, couldn't really say much, as Kudo had bailed _him_ out just as often.

"So, what will you do?" Yuusaku asked mildly, noting Heiji's silence.

"I don't want to stop you," the Osakan boy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I _don't_ want you to get in over your head, either. Don't start acting like your son and thinking that you're the only one who can do any good."

Yuusaku just looked at him, surprised, so Heiji continued. "He had to get that from _someone_, and it wasn't Yukiko-neechan, that's for sure. I know Kudo doesn't want us involved, either, but he'd be blind to think we weren't already. If you need help, you ask for it - me, or the Professor, or even Mouri-ossan. If Megure and his group are already behind you, and I _know_ Kudo's gotten Jodie-sensei and the FBI involved, then we have a fighting chance at least to get the information we need to save him, even if we can't bring down the Organization. Hell, even Kaitou Kid is fighting for your son, though I can't figure out for the life of me how the heck _that_ happened. Think about that first, will you?"

Yuusaku stepped back and looked Heiji up and down, regarding the young detective with greater respect. "That is excellent advice, Heiji-kun. I _will_ try not to do anything rash, though as you understand, sometimes the situation really calls for it."

Heiji nodded gravely. "And if it does, _you_ call _us._"

* * *

_-to be continued…_


	6. Call to Action

A/N: Sorry for the delay! This chapter is a little shorter, but I hate having more than three scene changes per instalment.

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 6

* * *

He'd been up all night, hands curled around a cup of tea long stone cold, sitting opposite from Yukiko at the kitchen table. If she was half as tired as he was, she hid it well, offering him a fresh drink every fifteen minutes as she drained her cup again and again. Yuusaku had left at ten; it was now two-thirty, and fire trucks and ambulances had been screaming past 21 Nichoume since one o'clock.

Yukiko stared into her cup, tired of making empty conversation. Heiji was too exhausted for speech, but was trying to be alert to her mood changes. He was genuinely concerned for the woman's health after all this stress.

What shocked them both out of their respective silences was the shrill ring of a phone in Heiji's pocket. Not his own - though he kept it regularly charged, he was routinely waking up to twenty voicemails from Kazuha, and had started recently to leave the phone on silent mode permanently. The one that rang now was Kudo's, and though he was in the section of the hospital that allowed cellular use, the boy had recently entrusted the phone to Heiji to fulfill the dreaded promise he had made to his dying friend.

In all this time, though, it had never rang before. Heiji flipped it open - concealed number. He hoped it wasn't Ran, not at this hour! That could only mean bad news, he knew. "Hello?"

"Oh!" A female voice on the other end sounded genuinely shocked and a little bit familiar. "I was looking for Cool Kid..."

Heiji was struck dumb with recollection. "Jodie-sensei?"

Yukiko stared at him from the other side of the table. _Who?_ she mouthed.

The voice paused and made an excited noise. "Oh! Is this Cool Kid's _obentou_ friend?"

"It's _-ben_, Kansai-_ben_," Heiji said through gritted teeth. Why was this woman calling for Conan at almost three in the morning? Worse, he thought, why was she playing dumb? He knew who _she_ was, so shouldn't Kudo have filled her in on the fact that he was involved with this stuff too? And he was certain she knew _he_ knew that she had been covering up her excellent Japanese skills before. There was hardly any point to playing games at this time of the night, unless...?

"That's right, you're Hattori-kun," she said, sounding pleased. "But this is Cool Guy's cell phone, isn't it? Are you with him? Or Cool Kid?"

"Not right now," Heiji replied, irritated.

"Oh, I see! And is Mouri-san awake?"

"I don't know - she's not here."

Jodie made an _ahh_ sound. "Oh! Then you're not at the Detective Agency at all?"

"No."

"Good, that's good." The schoolteacher's voice seemed to come down an octave. "If you're someplace safe, we can talk about something important. With things as they are, I woudn't say it's safe to assume that Mouri Kogorou's agency is free of wire-tapping devices and bugs."

"What do you mean?" Heiji asked, mouth dry. Jodie was finally speaking in a normal tone of voice, but everything she said seemed to be a riddle. "I'm in a safe place. We checked for bugs just a few hours ago, so come out with it."

"I don't know if Cool Guy's in danger from it just yet," Jodie said finally, in a hushed voice, "but Vermouth has been captured. By the Japanese police and the FBI in a raid a few hours ago."

"Kudo-han went to that," Heiji realized out loud.

"I somehow figured you knew Kudo Yuusaku, seeing who his son is." The agent didn't give Heiji a chance to reply. "In any case, it went very well, though most of the Organization members who were present were killed or killed themselves to prevent leaks - except _her_."

Heiji had never actually _met_ the woman known as Vermouth, but he had been part of several of Kudo's plans that had crossed her path. It was amazing, he thought, that she of all people had allowed herself to be taken alive. "Really."

"She was injured and unarmed, so she came willingly," Jodie said quietly, preempting his question. "She asked for sanctuary - trading information on the Organization in exchange for her life and freedom. We had no choice but to at least take her into custody for questioning."

"She's a murderer," Heiji said, remembering Kudo's suspicions on what had happened to that television reporter. Recalling the story of how Teitan High's school doctor's identity had been completely assumed by the wily agent, and the attempt that had been made on the lives of him and his family. Even that little scientist girl who lived next door had barely escaped alive when she'd encountered Vermouth.

Jodie's voice rose. "You think I don't know that?"

"Sorry. You're worried about K-_Conan's_ safety, then?"

"Somewhat," she said hesitantly. "Vermouth has spared him until now. I can't imagine why, but even if he's not in danger, I wanted him to know that we got her. He's been a big help to me."

"Right, of course." Heiji wondered if Jodie even knew Kudo's condition just then. He was probably in more danger of dying from heart failure than Vermouth's flunkies, especially if no one in the Oragnization had made the connection between him and Yuusaku. Even so, Heiji couldn't bring himself to say anything about it.

"And," she continued, "if he wants to go to the Japanese police with what he knows about them, now is the time. They enemy is moving, trying to throw us off their trail, and Cool Guy's been part of a few cases involving them before I came here, I know. He and that other little girl should tell the police anything that might be of help, but not information that could be traced back to them. Be careful with that part."

"I'll pass the message on." Already Heiji was at the kitchen window, checking for signs of activity in the big, oval-shaped house next door. Several lights shone through the windows onto the grass - Haibara and the Professor were probably still awake, still working on their desperate cure.

Jodie was silent for a long moment, to the point that Heiji even glanced at the screen of the phone to ensure that the call hadn't dropped. "Jodie-sensei?"

"Ah, _so sorry_," she said in English. "But _thank you_ for your heIp. I have to go, Hattori-kun, so I'll call Cool Guy - or you - again later."

"Okay. Thanks," he said hurriedly, but she had already hung up. He let the phone close with a _snap_, the charm that dangled from its strap swinging in the air.

"It was about Sharon, wasn't it?" Yukiko's expression was glum. "I could tell from what you were saying. They caught her, didn't they?"

"They did," Heiji confirmed, remembering that Yukiko had known the woman Vermouth had originally been. "Jodie-sensei wanted us to know. I have to go to the police station - but I have to talk to that 'Neechan first-" He glanced out the window again. "I hope she'll agree. Kudo's in no shape to deal with it right now."

Yukiko was on her feet and locking eyes with him in an instant. "_Make_ her agree. The more information we have about the men in black, the better chance Shin-chan will have to survive."

"You think _I_ don't know that?" He echoed Jodie's earlier words. "She's not someone who can be ordered around - but she cares about him at least. If you call a taxi for me, I'll have her convinced in the next ten minutes."

Yukiko looked abashed. "Heiji-kun..."

"No worries." He winked at her and turned his baseball cap around so the brim faced front. "I won't let you or Kudo down now. See you later, Yuki-neechan."

* * *

Megure glanced from the clock to his visitor and then back again. "I know why _I'm_ here at three in the morning, but why are _you_ here?"

The Osakan teenager looked rumpled but excited, seating himself across the table from the bulky officer. "I heard that the operation tonight went successfully, and I've got some information that might help you."

Raising an eyebrow, the Inspector did not question outright how Heiji knew about the raid. "Is that so? What kind of information?"

"I've been in touch with a few someones who know about this Organization of yours."

Megure's interest was instantly piqued. "You do? Well, who is it, then?"

"I can't say. They believe one of these people to be dead, and if anyone found out he was alive, he'd be targeted again. The other, they've been hunting down for quite some time." Rubbing at his eyes to keep alert, Heiji leaned his elbows on the table. "My sources trust _you_, Keibu, as well as some of your personal staff, but we can't be sure about other officers. It's better if they remain anonymous."

"All right," Megure agreed. "But you realize that we've done some research of our own as well, I'm not sure if your sources will have anything to offer."

"They do," Heiji said grimly. "You probably already know that I've been staying at the Kudos. I wouldn't come to you with anything I thought Kudo-han might already know. For example, what kinds of drugs the Organization was probably working on in that place." He removed the folded piece of paper Haibara had given him and slid it across the table. "The strange appearance of the agent you've captured..."

"Yes," the Inspector mused, "you're not the first to point it out, actually; we had an anonymous letter come in about an hour ago pertaining to her. Carried by _pigeon._"

Heiji wished he could pretend he didn't know what that implied. He pushed on. "In any case, both Interpol and the FBI are aware of her...quirks...but they don't know the specifics. We can't say for sure, but these are my sources' best estimations."

"You knew that were were in contact with Interpol and the FBI?"

"I did. It's because of that fact that this person is helping me provide you with information. Megure-keibu, I hope you realize what you're getting into." Heiji's tone of voice was more serious than ever, and his eyes were fierce. "Up until now, we witheld this because we believed it would not be taken seriously, and you would all be killed. But with the interventions of the other bureaus, you might be able to stop them. A lot of people have died because they blundered into the Organization's way, and I want to see it end. If you have time to talk with me a while longer, I'll tell you everything I know about Vermouth...and point out every single unsolved case in your files that I _know_ has something to do with the Organization."

"Hattori-kun, you're a brave kid. You remind me of another high school detective I know." Megure rose and poured himself another cup of coffee, digging around in the filing cabinet one-handed. "You probably won't be surprised to see I have a stack of cold cases here that I'd hoped to go through looking for connections, so you came at a good time. But you probably _will_ be surprised to know something else I do."

"Huh?" Heiji wrapped his hands around the hot mug of coffee the Inspector placed in front of him.

"You've been in Beika for almost two months. Why is that?"

Heiji froze. _That Ossan, he didn't tell Megure-keibu about Kudo, did he? I thought he said "the less people who know, the better," right...? Stay cool, Heiji. Figure out how much he knows. _"Well, how do you know I've been here that long?"

Fortunately for the young detective, Megure gave up this information freely. "Your father contacted me soon after you decided not to return home. He seemed to think you'd gotten involved in some dangerous case down here and that I'd know about it. But that's not how it is, unless you've been investigating _very_ slowly and quietly. You're here for Conan-kun, aren't you?"

_He..._doesn't_ know? _"Yes," Heiji said, somewhat meekly. "This stuff with the Organization just happened to coincide with the time I was here visiting the kid, so..."

"Hmm," the Inspector said, looking out the window with his back turned to Heiji. "And you're staying with Yuusaku-kun because you're a friend of Shinichi-kun's, am I right?"

"That's right," Heiji agreed. He was so relieved that his story was accepted that he missed noticing that Megure had said _staying with Yuusaku-kun_ rather than _staying with Shinichi-kun. _"Too much time and money to commute back to Osaka every day, you know how it is."

"Of course, of course." The Inspector turned with a bright smile and sat back down, laying the papers on the table between them. "These are the cold cases I mentioned. You're sure your source gave you enough information to identify every one?"

Heiji nodded, taking a folder from the top of the file and opening it to read the details of the case. "I can call him, if I'm not sure. He won't mind being woken up for something like this."

"Hattori-kun." Heiji glanced up and realized that Megure was looking at him with an unusually serious face. "This _source_ of yours whose life is in danger...isn't Shinichi-kun, is it?"

Wide-eyed, Heiji prayed his features wouldn't betray his thoughts as he scrambled for an answer. "I, uh...well, I do have to be anonymous, sir; I can't confirm or deny anyone in particular."

Megure exhaled, his face unreadable. "Never mind, then."

* * *

There was a television suspended from a metal arm in the corner of Conan's private hospital room, and each morning before his mother and Hattori arrived Conan would switch on the TV with a remote kept on the bedside table. Somehow, he felt less confined when he was watching the morning news, as though he were _out there_ rather than _in here_. Today, he was particularly tired after being kept up all night by frequent and intense attacks, but now that they had settled awhile, he had refused breakast and propped himself up on two pillows to watch television while waiting. It was seven a.m. on a Friday morning, one of those lonelier days when his stream of visitors was sure to be slow, especially since his parents seemed to be caught up in Haibara's research all the time lately.

The high voice of the news reporter came snaking past Conan's gloomy thoughts and abruptly garnered his attention. _"...with fourteen unidentified deaths. Flames broke out around midnight last night. While it is still unknown how the fire began, police are investigating, and asking witnesses to please come forward. It is believed that the pharmecutical company was operating under an illegitimate license as well..."_

"A scam...?" Conan said aloud, waiting for the reporter to repeat the name of the building that had burned down. _What were people doing in the building at midnight? _he wondered. _That's suspicious. I should call Megure and ask...ah, but Hattori has my voice-changer. _He frowned, disappointed; the prospect of a case (even one he couldn't leave the hospital to gather evidence on) had been enough to marginally lift his spirits. He supposed it wasn't even worth trying at this point - the aleatory nature of his attacks made it difficult to even have a short conversation with his mother; forget bringing anyone else who wasn't aware in on it. _But it's really a shame,_ Conan thought, sitting up straighter to read the news feed scrolling across the bottom of the television screen. _There's something about that report that I can't quite put my finger on...something about that name that doesn't sit right with me..._

And then, Hattori Heiji burst through the door, breathless.

* * *

_-to be continued..._

A/N: This story makes heavy heavy heavy canon references to everything from Jodie's "boxed lunch" joke to Shinichi's cell phone strap to the cell-phone policy in Beika hospital. The Pandora Gem's suspected involvement with the Organization, even, and Jodie's totally fake bad Japanese. God damn, am I ever a nit picky person. I hope at least some of you will appreciate the attention to detail. XP


	7. Bird's Eye View

A/N: This chapter was quite some time coming. Sorry guys! Approaching the end now!

Many thanks to Victoria Hughes (you can look her up here on FFN, high recommendation for her _Danny Phantom_ fanfics!) for drawing a lovely piece of art from this story! Check out phoenixstarr44 on DeviantArt to see it!

Onward!

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 7

* * *

"Hattori," Conan said, geniunely surprised. "It's..." He checked the clock. "...early. What gives?"

"You're not going to _believe_ this," Heiji said, falling into the chair in a heap. Conan did not bother to point out that it was not even close to visiting hours yet. "That American 'neechan working for the guys in black? Chris Vineyard? She was captured this morning by the Japanese police."

"_Vermouth?_ You're _kidding._" Conan's face was suddenly animated. "It had something to do with that fire this morning, didn't it? I thought that sounded suspicious."

"It did," Heiji confirmed. He was grinning from ear to ear, his fists clenched with excitement. "Megure-keibu wouldn't give me the details of her interrogation, but Jodie-sensei told me that she's looking out for number one. Giving up Organization secrets in exchange for the police's protection."

The boy in the hospital bed grimaced. "I'm sure Sensei is thrilled about that."

"I got the impression that she wanted to be there to shoot Vermouth herself. Unfortunately, Megure's people got there first, so she was taken alive." Heiji shrugged. He felt a little bad for the blond FBI agent, but was at the same time relieved that the police had taken Vermouth into custody so they could wring the details out of her. He wasn't privy to such details yet, though, especially since they'd immediately moved her to a secure, secret location.

"Wait, how did Megure-keibu and everyone get drawn into this? I thought Sensei and her co-workers were operating on their own."

Heiji hesitated - Kudo was going to find out _eventually._ "The FBI made things official, and so did Megure, though it was a really small operation. Interpol apparently-"

"_Interpol's_ involved too!"

"-Yeah. Apparently lent some of their knowledge of suspected Organization dealings to the police, and that helped them put together a case." Heiji decided that maybe he wouldn't mention Yuusaku's involvement after all. As he recalled, it was Kudo's pride that stopped his father from interfering back when he'd first been shrunk, hadn't it? "The police had been watching the place, thinking there was some illicit drug trading going on. Sensei and the others suspected it of being an Organization location, but couldn't do anything official. Once the two groups got together, they had enough reason to search the place. To have found a ranking agent there, it was great luck." Heiji was still a little bit worried about what could happen to Megure and his staff if Vermouth's superiors became aware that she'd been captured, but he was so thrilled to be able to deliver the news that he put it at the back of his mind. "Obviously, the police aren't making any of this public. Nobody's sure yet if the Organization higher-ups are aware we got someone alive."

Conan gave the Osakan detective a strange look. "Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to find out they caught that lunatic, but I didn't know _you_ were so into this investigation. I didn't even know you were in contact with Jodie-sensei until just now."

"Oh, I wasn't until a few hours ago," Heiji said airily. "She called on your cell phone, actually, looking for _you._ But the reason we think the Organization doesn't know we have Vermouth is because the raid hit them hard and fast. There were only a dozen ops in there and they started shooting at the officers instead of protecting their secrets. Someone set a fire and Vermouth killed the ones the police put out of commission, but that FBI agent with the perm shot the weapon right out of her hands and they knocked her out. They weren't fast enough to take out the fire before it destroyed the building, but they _did_ get the computers and some evidence before things started to melt."

The shrunken detective's heart started to pound, but less from his sickness than Heiji's infectuous excitement. "And?"

"And that," he held up a compact disc with a secretive smile, "I _did _get."

"Stop screwing around and just tell me, Hattori."

Heiji laughed at his obvious impatience and lowered his hand. "It was just coincidence that we happened to sniff out one of the locations they were using for their experimental drugs. Everything was encrypted, obviously, and though Sensei's people couldn't get on the network after they'd removed the computers from the building, there was data on the hard drives. They just didn't know how to access it. But that little 'Neechan did." He grinned.

"Haibara?" Conan stared at his companion incredulously.

"Of course," Heiji replied, as though that should have been obvious. "In case you didn't notice, she's more than a bit concerned with saving your life, Kudo. Jodie-sensei wanted me to ask her if she'd help the police anonymously, and she did. In return, she's got a copy of this too-" he held up the disc again, "-and is back at the Professor's right now working with it. It just so happens to have a significant amount of information about the chemical makeup of APTX-4869."

Conan's mouth went dry. "_How_ significant?"

"She told me not to get your hopes up, in case it doesn't work out." Heiji was still grinning like a cat. "But she thinks she has everything she needs to make the cure."

* * *

It was one thing for Conan to tone down his excitement in front of the nurses and his mother, but quite another to hide it from Ran, who knew him so well that it was impossible to hide his elation. Of course, as far as the doctors knew, they were no closer to uncovering the source of his health issues than before, and were in fact extremely worried that at the rate the disease was going, he would not last the next few days. The nurses didn't know what to make of this uncharacteristic cheerfulness, and whispered to themselves as they left his room, but the boy detective was undaunted. The spark of hope Hattori had planted had been enough to make him feel like he could run a marathon. Not just that he'd live - no, he was certainly grateful for his life, that was certain. But if Haibara came through, and Vermouth spilled enough information to lead the police to Gin and Vodka, he could go on living as _Kudo Shinichi_.

And that was a dream Conan had almost lost faith in ever achieving.

Unfortunately, the unpredictability of his sickness and the uncertainly in Haibara's movements still gave him cause to worry. To return to being his teenaged self, his identity as Conan would have to disappear forever, without the opportunity to tie up many loose ends. His options essentially extended to telling Ran and the kids that he'd hurried back overseas with his parents for alternate medical treatment, or faking his own death. Both would have undesirable repercussions. He wouldn't be able to tell even Ran the truth unless he was sure she would be safe from the Organization's reach. Yukiko had strongly indicated that it would be best for all three of them to return to the villa in San Francisco until the investigation had been fully completed, but Shinichi was loathe to just give up on his most important case without seeing it through to its end.

And now it seemed he had another problem.

"You're in such a good mood today," Ran said for the second time, having caught him smiling at the thought of returning to his real, normal life. "Did something happen?"

"Nah," he replied, trying to make his cheerfulness slightly less purposeful-looking. "Just thinking, that's all."

He could feel Ran watching him, even with his face turned away. "Hmm. But it certainly is a big change from yesterday."

_Yesterday_. It seemed like a million years ago. In the last eight hours Edogawa Conan's life had experienced a complete turnaround. He was looking and feeling a lot better than he had in over a month, thanks to Hattori's good news. _Yesterday..._

_Damn! _He had nearly forgotten about the terrible scene yesterday with Ran. The kiss, the tears, the abrupt exit- "Ah...that's right..." Conan frowned, emabarassed at having lost himself so fully. "I'm really sorry to have caused all that, Ran..." He had to remind himself to call her _Ran_ instead of _Ran-neechan_, as she'd asked. "Are you feeling better? You were really upset when you left..."

"Much. What about you?" There was something unreadable in her eyes. He wanted to tell her the truth, _all _of it, but it wasn't quite time. There was still a lingering fear that Vermouth would escape, or worse, use her knowledge about his condition in a way that would jeapordize their lives.

It was better that Ran stay oblivious for now, and he could not give her false hope about his recovery yet either; not if Conan would be disappearing on a permanent basis soon. He decided it was time to start planting the seeds for that particular deception. "A lot better. I saw...well, my father came to visit, this morning."

"Really," Ran said, surprised. She'd never met any such person; never even knew the man's supposed name. Her contact up until now had been Conan's mother only. "That must have been a nice surprise."

"Kind of," Conan replied slowly. "We talked about having me transferred to a hospital back in California. 'Tousan is worried that the winter air in Japan is just making things worse."

"California...?" Ran's stomach seemed to drop right out of her.

"Where my parents live," the boy continued hurriedly. "I'm on some medication now that really helps with the attacks, so they want to move me before things get any worse..." He trailed off, noticing the expression on his companion's face. "Ran...?"

She could only shake her head, fingers curling around the thin blanket on his bed. Something about the idea of him returning to the U.S. felt _wrong_; she felt like...she felt like...

_A strange premonition, just like at that time...when he walked away and I knew somehow that I would never see Shinichi again..._

Of course, she _had_ seen him a few times since that moment, but these were all brief, fleeting glimpses characterized by his strange behavior, pallid face and sudden disappearances. Not once since that day in the amusement park had she _seen_ the Shinichi that still existed in memory, the one who grinned stupidly and teased her until she threatened. The one who wasn't constantly looking around himself, over his shoulder, afraid to see who might be following behind.

_This is the same,_ she realized. _This feeling.._. But it wasn't for Shinichi anymore; it was Conan, and already his face was telling her '_It's time to say goodbye._'

"No," she whispered, closing her eyes.

His voice sounded concerned. "What's wrong?"

"If you leave, you won't come back," Ran murmured after a long pause, and his silence was reply enough to tell her that he had known this. He took her chin in three fingers and tilted it to face him, so she looked into his wide blue stare, a little surprised. "Conan-kun?"

"That might be true," he said slowly. "But if it's the case, I don't want you to be sad. You've shed enough tears for me now. Do you understand?"

"How can I _not_ be sad!" she snapped. All this time he had been her support, her confidante, her protector...and now he wanted her to forgive his absence quietly? It was too much. Especially on top of what had happened between them yesterday...

_Unbelievable_. He'd told her he was going to die, and then he'd told her that he loved her. Was _in love_ with her. Ran's breath caught in her throat as the gears started to turn. _His parents must want him to come home so he can pass away peacefully. That's why...that's why it feels so final..._

And he, Conan, was putting on a brave face for her as he always did. Protecting her from harm. Tears began to spill unbidden from her eyes, and she wrenched her face from his grasp, hid it behind a long curtain of brown hair. "I'm sorry. I'll try, just..."

"Ran." She felt the bed shift, and his small arms encircled her tightly. He was pleasantly warm; she relaxed into the embrace, trying to calm herself. "Ran, I'm sorry, I keep making you cry."

Again yesterday's incident surfaced in her mind. She'd returned home last night and lay on her bed for hours, deep in thought, unable to untangle the strange mess her emotions had become. As soon as she accepted one detail or another (_He loves me? Impossible! He's just a little kid!_ But when she looked back at the evidence, there it was...) there was another, just as ludicrious, begging for attention (_Conan-kun kissed me, and I let it happen. Maybe I even liked it. Maybe I would even..._). In the end she'd hardly slept. In the end she'd had no clearer a conclusion than before, but was wracked with new guilt, and at the same time other strange emotions, things she hadn't felt in a long time. Anticipation. Hope. Nervousness.

The kind of feelings she had when she spoke to Shinichi on the phone.

_But only because he reminds me so much of Shinichi,_ she told herself repeatedly. _Because they look the same; they act the same. _She breathed him in and it was even the same scent. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"Me either," he replied, and he was surprised at how much truth there was in his words.

* * *

It wasn't that he _wanted_ to get involved, though his personal interest in this particular case was definitely way up there, but more like he wanted to _observe;_ he wanted to make sure that what was about to happen was _actually going to happen_, or at least as far as the police forces' plans extended.

They wouldn't have appreciated his presence at the party anyway, Kaitou Kid supposed.

He was perched on top of a roof as far as he could _possibly_ get from the actual scene, already wearing three disguises on top of one another (the FBI agent persona had to be tossed right after Kaito left the briefing, just in case) and carting a sound system that could have powered a rock concert, but fit neatly into the pocket of his tuxedo. No less than six members of the First Investigation Division and the Bureau (Interpol wasn't directly involving its officers in the sting, which was probably for the best, in case Kid found himself compromised) were outfitted with wireless transcievers and tiny fish-eye cameras in their hats and badges for Kid's exclusive perusal. Yet even having all the cards - including knowing that the FBI sniper was just two buildings over with a long-range rifle - Kid was having difficulty calming his nerves. He knew far better than these guys what they were up against, and couldn't stop himself from being worried.

If that Vermouth woman (she was so familiar! _where _had he seen her before?) wasn't telling the truth, Kid was going to have a lot of dead officers on his hands, and even though Nakamori was not among them, there were many faces he recognized, even people he'd disguised as. Officer Takagi, for example, whom he'd taken a bit of a liking to at the heist they'd attended together, though Takagi had been asleep before ever knowing Kid was there. Chiba was also present, along with Shiratori, one of Kid's favourite First Division people to impersonate, with Officer Satou backing up Megure himself. And the man with the mustache and glasses, hanging back in the shadows but conspicuous by his completely unflappable manner, was undoubtedly Kudo Shinichi's father.

_He_ looked familiar, too, and Kid wondered just how deep the mystery novelist was in all this business.

With his head ducked and a careful eye on the perimeter alarms he'd set up around the building, Kid turned his attention to the handheld monitor he had built with which to watch the show. Beside him, laid bare on the concrete, was a neat row of various items that could come in handy if intervention was unavoidable - there would be plenty of other shots at the Organization, but none would ever be so attractive as this. If the situation got out of control, Interpol or not, Kid was going in.

But, watching the scene from the camera placed in an oblivious Takagi's chest pocket, Kid was genuinely hoping he wouldn't have to, because these guys _scared the hell out of him._

Nobody could ever accuse Kaitou Kid of being overly cautious. The issue was that his confidence came largely from the fact that he was _always prepared,_ and when it came to the Organization - the guys who had killed his father, taken down Kid's own rival Kudo Shinichi, not to mention probably killed hundreds of thousands of people, murdered civilians in broad daylight, and could accurately shoot you in the head from hundreds of metres away, in the dark, around obstacles - well, gentleman thief Kaitou Kid just had to admit that even he didn't know what to do. They were as unpredictable as he was, and far more likely to sneak back later and murder him and his family in their sleep. It was a miracle Kudo had kept alive this long, having been so close to their secrets, and not for lack of trying.

Nevertheless, Kid had to be here, partially out of duty to his father and Kudo, partially as the cavalry, and partially because he knew for certain that if the Organization won, they would take _no _prisoners. If he waited so much as an hour after the sting failed, there was an excellent chance that Kudo's mother and the families of the policemen would be targeted, Vermouth would be freed, and Mouri Kogorou and his family, his detective rival, the Professor and the little girl as well as Osaka would be dead by morning.

Kid was, understandably, uneasy as the Takagi-cam was blocked by a number of broader bodies approaching the door. He was part of the entrance team, and in the corner of Kid's monitor he had a thumbnail of the view from the back of the building, led by that busty FBI agent. Her group was in position with arms at the ready, and then the group Takagi was with surged forward, and the glare on the camera increased as it was hit by indoor lights. There was a lot of shouting going on - he thumbed down the audio in both ears.

The Takagi-cam was unstable and shaky, and not in much of a position to see much, as it had turned to watch the open doorway they had entered through. Kid switched to the view from the FBI's side, broadcast from Jodie Saintemillion's hip. It had been quite a job planting that camera, and Kid was glad to have made the effort, because from here he had a clear view of _everything,_ complete with deafening sound. The police group had caught some of the men in black, but some officers were already down, as were many of the operatives. It seemed they were much more interested in getting killed than taken, though some of the mens' survival instinct had won out and they had dropped their weapons and raised their hands. _Amateurs,_ he thought coldly. _These guys probably wouldn't have even lasted a year in the Black Organization._

If he'd blinked, Kid would have missed what happened next, and it only registered because he saw it from both sides of the room. A man with long blonde hair appeared on the catwalk at the exact moment one of the hat-cameras (the Megure-cam, he thought) looked up, and Kid observed him draw a pistol with lightening speed and snap off a shot in the general direction of the officers.

Abruptly the Takagi-cam went offline. Kid swore loudly and then bit down on his knuckle, conscious of the sniper's sharp hearing just a few hundred feet away.

There was a bit of chaos on several of the other video thumbnails at this; Megure's movements were dizzying, but the main action was still happening from Jodie Saintemillion's point of view. The blonde man's back was still turned to her, and Kid's view was obscured for a split second as an additional pistol cleared the holster on her belt, raised out of his line of sight, and fired. He didn't see it connect and he didn't see the FBI agent's face, but he _did_ have an excellent angle as the body of the operative known as Gin came crashing down and sprawled on the cement floor, limp.

All hell broke loose.

* * *

Around the same time that evening, as Kaitou Kid was watching the feared Syndicate be taken apart piece by piece on a rooftop over Haido City, the famous young detectives stationed in Beika Hospital were waiting by the phone. A person would have needed two hands to count the weaponry stashed in Edogawa Conan's hospital room, and it wasn't all tranquilizer darts, either. He had developed the habit of reaching for his watch each time footsteps drew near to the door, compounded by the listening devices he had placed in the hallway. If the sting operation failed, neither of the boys were holding out much hope for their own lives, but they weren't going down without a fight. Conan willed himself not to think about his mother and best friend, who were probably having a very high-strung visit at the Professor's right now, especially with Agasa trying to hide this impossible secret from Ran.

Heiji didn't have a sword, his weapon of choice, but they had unscrewed the handle from a broom for his use in case they needed to defend themselves. He fervently wished he didn't have to just sit here and wait for an attack that might never come, but Conan's illness made him useless for the sting, not that the officers would have allowed them to participate, so the two detectives were stuck waiting for a call from Megure. The Inspector still didn't know the extent of Heiji's involvement, so he hadn't insisted that the boys go into hiding, but the part of it that Megure did not know - and Conan only half-suspected, thanks to their keeping Yuusaku's involvement under wraps - was that the raid being unsuccessful pretty much meant they were both dead. This, Heiji preferred not to think about too much, but had quickly backed up his friend's suggestion to make the hospital room "unfriendly" to surprise visitors.

_Pat-pat-pat-pat._ Conan tensed; someone was coming down the hall, someone who moved very quietly, almost without noise. If it hadn't been for the transmitter amplifying the sound, he would not have even caught it. Heiji's grip tightened on the stick as the footsteps slowed just outside, and stopped.

Conan aimed the crosshairs of his watch at the door as it slid open, but did not fire.

"Some greeting," Haibara said dryly, not even taken by surprise. "but I guess I should expect this sort of thing from you when you're going crazy. Here." She tossed a packet onto Conan's lap.

Lowering his weapon, the gradeschooler unwrapped the package and pulled out an oversized soccer jersey and a pair of jeans. "These are my clothes."

"How astute. I'll leave while you put them on."

"Hold up, what? Why?" Heiji looked back and forth from Kudo to their visitor. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Haibara held up the other package she carried, concealed by a white paper bag. "You're going to drink this, and what you're wearing now is going to get uncomfortably small."

* * *

_-to be continued..._


	8. Split Personalities

A/N: I realize this one has been a loooooong time coming. I have a lot of trouble ending long stories, and this is the second-last chapter. I hope the next one will be a little quicker - no promises, though.

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

Chapter 8

* * *

Heiji and Conan exchanged a _look_. "Haibara..." the latter said finally, lowering the jersey to his lap. "I can't believe I'm saying it, but I can't do this just yet."

The faux gradeschooler raised one eyebrow, her expression otherwise unwavering. "I can't wait to hear why."

Again the boys glanced at each other.

"If you're going to tell me that you have a better chance of escaping in that body, Kudo, you're dead wrong. If this sting operation fails, it's not going to matter whether you're a kid or a teenager - they _are_ going to find you."

"But it'll at least make it harder," he protested, knowing that was mostly a lie. He probably knew the danger better than Haibara herself did; he couldn't fend off the common cold with his failing body, much less armed gunmen. But the thought of changing back _now_, without really saying goodbye to Ran...

But it wasn't really a goodbye, was it? He was still himself. It was only his appearance that was going to change.

_Stupid. If Megure's team doesn't get Gin and Vodka, it's not safe for me to come back publicly as Kudo Shinichi anyway. If Conan goes, then who will Ran have...?_

"If you're worried about Mouri-kun," Haibara said with just the barest amount of sincerity, "getting killed is not going to help you explain all this. You'd be better off preserving your life by taking the antidote and getting out of here while you still can. Slip away into the night and let your parents do the talking in the morning."

"No," Conan said at length, feeling his heart begin to pound, not with the illness but with anticipation. "We have to wait until morning. I'm not going to run when 'Tousan and Megure-keibu are out there fighting my battle. We're staying here until it's over," he glanced at Heiji for assent, "or as over as it's going to get."

Haibara laid her sachel on the bedside table and inspected the dials and numbers on Conan's heart monitor, then turned her attention to a disconnected IV drip. "How long are the drugs lasting now, Kudo-kun?"

"Eh?"

"Don't play stupid. The morphine, the sedatives. You've been hiding it."

Looking slightly troubled, he glanced out the window, unwilling to look at her. "Even at maximum dosage, they lose their effectiveness in less than a minute."

Haibara slammed both hands down on the table, causing both boys to jump. "Do you have _any idea_ what that's doing to your body, you idiot! You're practically _feeding_ the apotoxin. You could be dead by morning at this rate, and for what!"

Mollified, Conan's fingers tightened on the fabric of the jersey and he opened his mouth to speak, but Haibara wasn't finished yet. "Besides the fact that the Professor and I have barely slept in two months and you've _crushed_ Ayumi-chan and the others by not letting them see you, in case you have _forgotten_, Hattori-kun and I have put every single person we associate with in an extremely dangerous position for the sake of making you a cure in time. Including the Mouris. So you don't want to take it now? Too bad. Even if you haven't been murdered by sunrise, your heart could stop at any time."

"Haibara..." Conan glanced from her to Heiji and back again. "I'm sorry...I know you and Professor Agasa did everything you could...but I just need a bit of time. Even if I took it now, there's no guarantee I'd get away safely. We're gambling either way until we know what happened at the raid."

She stared at him, her eyes icy, and Heiji was amazed Conan could stand up to that kind of pressure in his condition. There was an awkward silence, and finally Haibara turned away, leaving the sachel where it was. "Fine...you win. It's midnight now. You call whoever you want in the morning and say what you need to say, but I will be back here at noon, and I will personally sedate you and administer the antidote, willingly or unwillingly. Good-bye, Kudo-kun, and for God's sake, live to see tomorrow."

With that, Haibara spun on her heel and left, slamming the door shut behind her.

* * *

When Patrolman Director Takagi Wataru's consciousness decided to return, it was amid a cacophony of sound, so loud and jarring that he wasn't quite sure just _how_ he'd gotten from the top-secret sting operation to the death metal concert, but could someone turn down the volume, please...? His ears rang, and his head felt cottony, and there were hands all over him. It was quite strange. Takagi was just about to conclude that it must be a dream - _is that Satou-san I hear yelling my name? MUST be a dream!_ - when it abruptly occurred to him that he had been shot.

At points in the past, Takagi had occasionally subscribed to belief in the occult, though never for too long, because it was the sort of thing his junior high classmates liked to tease him about. At the time, he had seen some television show about ghosts, and insisted that out-of-body experiences could actually happen, and after you died you would float around above the scene, like in that one manga where the kid wasn't supposed to die just then and so got to come back to life. Less than a second after Takagi realized that Gin had pegged him in the chest from the catwalk, he concluded that - lacking any pain but being extremely fuzzy in judgement - he was now a ghost, and sat up so fast he collided with the chin of someone just above him. "Gah!"

"Ow!" The unknown person sputtered. His voice looked much younger than his face, which was a combination of surprise and pain. He was dressed in plain clothes, noticeably lacking in black, and had an FBI tag stuck to his breast pocket. "Wow, you're alive."

"_Takagi!_" Satou apparantly owned the second set of hands that had just been ripping his jacket open to get at the wound. "You...are you...?"

"Am I dead?" He was, understandably, confused. There wasn't even the broken-rib pain that ought to have accompanied his Kevlar vest intercepting a bullet. Other than being a bit dizzy, he felt fine. "What just happened? Did we get them?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "I...I should get back in there. I was just afraid that..."

The young man nodded at her from just over Takagi's head. "I'll take care of him, Ojousan."

"Thank you." Satou got to her feet and ran back into the melee. Takagi observed at last that he had been carried outside of the building and laid out on the ground. He must have blacked out from the impact, he thought. If there was really an impact at all.

His clothing seemed to be fused together on the right side, he noticed, as the agent undid his white cotton shirt and Kevlar vest in a much more leisurely fashion to inspect his chest. "You have _some_ damn luck."

"What? Why?" Angling his neck, Takagi looked down at a small, round bruise beginning to form just below his right clavicle. "What happened there? Where did the bullet go?"

Wordlessly the agent pulled back the flap of his dark jacket, where a mess of wires and burnt fabric smouldered in his breast pocket. The slug had been caught neatly between the contraption - what _was_ that, Takagi wondered? He hadn't been carrying anything in that pocket - and the protection of the vest. Between the bullet and the melted components, it seemed unlikely that the three garments would ever separate again. "It seems you have a guardian angel," the FBI agent grinned, buttoning up both shirt and vest.

He helped the unsteady officer to his feet, and Takagi clung to the wall for a moment before standing under his own power and checking the pistol at his side. "I have to go back in there."

His companion frowned. "That's probably not a great idea. You seem pretty disoriented."

Takagi shook his head. "People are counting on me. Satou-san is in there..." He turned and glanced over his shoulder at the other man, who looked impassive. If anything, he seemed reluctant to enter the building. "Aren't you coming?"

"I..." The agent faltered and one hand curled into a fist. Takagi noticed that he was unarmed. "...I guess I am."

Takagi smiled encouragingly. "Then come on. Maybe my guardian angel has enough luck left for both of us."

"Seemed like my supply might be running low. Wait, Takagi." The young man caught his sleeve. "Listen...the shots have stopped."

Both stood stock-still for a moment, straining their ears for the sounds of humans rising and falling. "It's over," Takagi breathed, and together they ran toward the entrance.

* * *

Much later that night, Kudo Yukiko had slipped back to the relative comfort of her old home, perched in the window seat without so much as a single lamp to lessen the imposing darkness of the room. She breathed deeply the scent of ageing ink and paper, and the stale air of a room gone undusted far too long. It was nearing three o'clock in the morning.

A clicking sound signalled his key in the lock; Yukiko stayed where she was, hating those last few seconds of uncertainty but needing them just the same. If it was Yuusaku, he would know where to find her. If it was _them_, she refused to make it easy. Instead she peered out through the opposite curtains of dust and rain, wishing she had seen him coming up the walk.

The door to the library creaked open, and Yuusaku's face came into view, lit by the hallway lamps. "Yukiko."

She shut her eyes and muttered a silent thanks to any deities that might be listening.

* * *

Conan and Heiji had fallen asleep many hours into their vigil, fists curled around broomsticks and dart-guns. Neither was alert enough to notice the pitter-patter of feet and excited laughter echoing from the speakers, at least until one of the voices threw the door open and ran into the room, startling both detectives. Fortunately for Ayumi, they were far too disoriented to reach for their weapons before opening their eyes. "Wha-?"

"Conan-kun!" Ayumi enthused, clasping both her hands around one of his. "Good morning! Ah...and hello, Heiji-san."

"Hello, Heiji-san!" Mitsuhiko greeted him with a wave. "You look tired."

"Osu," Heiji yawned, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"You're wasting a perfectly good Saturday morning," Genta admonished, waving a finger in the Osakan's face.

"Hattori," Conan hissed, "it's _eleven-thirty._"

Heiji sat straight up and looked, bewildered, at the clock. "So it is...I'll, uh...what should I do?"

"Go down to the precinct! I'll...handle things here." Conan pushed away the bundle of clothing that had been resting on his lap and smiled tiredly at his visitors. 'You guys are pretty energetic today, aren't you?"

"Well..." Ayumi said slowly, moving back to allow Heiji room to pass, "Ai-chan sent us. She said you had something important to tell us."

Both detectives froze and Heiji looked at his friend over the childrens' heads. "You're right, I'll, uh, leave you guys alone," he ground out, grabbing his jacket and cell phone and hurrying out of the room without a backward glance. _That little 'Neechan's a sneaky one, all right._

When the door had closed behind Heiji, Conan sat up straighter in the bed and looked down at his hands. "Yeah...we do need to talk."

"If there's anything we can do for you, just say so!" Mitsuhiko declared. "The Detective Boys are always at the ready!"

"Thanks. But this isn't really something you can help with, I'm sorry to say." Conan offered him a grim smile. "The truth is that I'm going to be leaving Japan, and maybe very soon."

"Leaving? You're taking a trip?" Genta grasped the metal railing on the side of the bed. "Where are you going? Some place with good food?"

"America. I'm sure there's plenty to eat there, and I'd bring you souvenirs if I could...but...I probably won't be coming back."

"_What_!" All three exclaimed, in unison.

"My parents want to take me back to San Fransisco with them, so I can have better treatment for my illness," Conan continued, trying to put as much sincerity into his voice as possible. He felt like a jerk lying to the Detective Boys' faces, after they had been through so much together. Ayumi's eyes were already filling with tears.

"We won't let them!" Genta asserted, shaking the bar he was clutching. "You _belong_ here!"

"That may be so, but they're my parents," Conan reasoned, grateful he was able to shift a bit of the blame to the always-disagreeable _adults._ It would be far easier for his friends to accept it if they thought it was out of his control. "I have to do what they say, you know?"

Ayumi's lower lip was trembling. "But Conan-kun...you won't be coming back, _ever_?"

"That's hard to say." It wasn't fair to give them false hope, no matter how hard this was already. In fact, Conan hoped he would one day be able to tell them the truth...the _whole_ truth. But they weren't ready for that yet. "I probably can't come back, though, no."

"But you can write to us, though, right! And call..." Mitsuhiko, despite usually being the most mature of the children, looked more upset than he had expected. His hands were clenched into fists and he looked as though he were struggling to control his expression.

_Can I? If I live through the cure...I guess that's not so bad. _Somehow the idea of simply _abandoning_ the life he had lived for the past few years left him with a hollow feeling. He really had come to care for the trio, and considered them friends. "Sure. I'll call and write, no problem."

This seemed to reassure Genta and Mitsuhiko, but Ayumi was now crying outright. "Conan-kun...I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to, either." Somehow, Conan realized, he'd become rather attached to his dual identity. He hadn't wanted it, but now, even though there was no question of wanting to return to his original form, he didn't really want to say good-bye to Edogawa Conan.

_This is the risk I ran when I let them get close to me,_ he told himself. _They're not ready to hear the truth...and who knows what they'd think even if they did. Damned if I do, damned if I don't._

"That's why I asked you to come," he said stiffly, wishing he had the words to console her. "We have to say good-bye. I know it's hard, but we're the Detective Boys, right? We have to be strong at all times."

Sniffling, Ayumi shuffled forward to hug him, her arms wrapping around his neck. "I just want you to get better."

"No problem." He smiled and hugged back. "I just know I'll get better, so don't you worry."

"Okay." Ayumi pulled back and delivered him a kiss on the cheek, causing Genta's expression to darken for a moment, but before she stepped back the portly boy was giving Conan an encouraging smile. "Promise?"

"I promise. And you guys need to promise to take care of yourselves, too. No more getting into troublesome cases when I'm not there to bail you out, right?"

"We can handle it on our own!" Mistuhiko huffed.

"We _promise,_" Ayumi added, stifling him with a look.

Just then, the door eased open and his regular nurse stuck her head inside. "Ah, you're awake, Conan-kun. I just need to check your vitals."

The boy looked at the clock again, which read eleven-forty-five. Surely Hattori had made it to the police station by now? "Okay. You guys should head home...and if I don't see you again, you'll hear from me soon, okay?"

"Okay," they agreed, nodding. Ayumi gave Conan a last, brave smile before slipping under the nurses' arm and out the door.

For the next few minutes, Conan was quiet, letting his medical info be recorded and blood pressure and temperature be taken. "Pretty good," the nurse commented as she checked his pulse. "And you haven't had any attacks since last night?"

Conan shook his head; it was this fortunate coincidence that had allowed him a small amount of drug-free sleep that morning.

"That's great, honey!" She set her clipboard down and picked up the tray with his lunch on it, setting it down beside the sachel. "In that case, you should definitely eat up. Just call me if you need me, okay?"

"Okay," he answered.

She left, closing the door behind her, and at last Conan was left alone with the sachel and the bundle of clothing. Haibara had probably just taken it from the pile of clean laundry Hattori was "borrowing" his daily wardrobe from, but she had brought his favourite Tokyo Spirits jersey and a pair of faded jeans. He happened to own just such an outfit in miniature, Conan-sized, though he hadn't seen it or the rest of his possessions from the Detective Agency in months. The jersey had his name, "KUDO," written in white block letters on the back. It seemed almost like it was advertising his much-anticipated return.

The sachel he did not open yet, though he was curious about the antidote. What would it be like, he wondered, to go through the change and finally feel like _himself_, without the side effects of the temporary cures? What would it be like to run and play soccer, go to a class at school that was actually challenging, or solve a case without wondering when the next wave of pain would hit him?

How satisfying would it be to confess to Ran, and have her smile at him, rather than look away, appalled?

Amazing, Conan decided. He did not care how much the final change was going to hurt him. This would be worth it.

Looking up at the clock, the time read eleven-fifty-eight. He reached into the bag.

* * *

_-to be concluded..._


	9. One Truth

A/N: I know, right?

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

**Chapter 9**

* * *

It was with genuine relief that Heiji, after finding both himself and Kudo alive after their long night, presented himself to Inspector Megure in the morning and made a promise to return later to give a statement and identify several key suspects. He couldn't wait to share the good news he'd learned from Megure with Kudo; Gin was dead and Vodka was in police custody along with a half-dozen other Organization operatives. It wasn't the end for the men in black by a long shot, but with the two directly responsible for his condition silenced, it might actually be safe for Kudo to come out of hiding. Heiji was sure the idea of fleeing to America with his parents didn't sit well with the other detective.

To be honest, Heiji was both excited and apprehensive about the idea of Conan becoming Kudo on a permanent basis; he had become so used to the other detective being pint-sized that it was always a little surprising when he saw his friend's true face, even just in photographs. It would be nice to hang out and work on cases together again without always looking like he was babysitting. But this cure of Haibara's...

Heiji trusted the scientist because Kudo did, but he couldn't help thinking that any antidote created as quickly as this wasn't going to be foolproof. It wasn't as though the warehouse raid had provided them with the product itself, after all, just test results belonging to more unfortunate victims of APTX-4869. Heiji hoped that most of Haibara's final product was based on the more finely-tuned Paical research she'd been doing and not on the poison's original formula, but he was no doctor, and this whole mess was far beyond his scale of understanding. If the drug worked out, then that was great...Heiji's gut just didn't agree with the idea of administering a half-finished antidote to his best friend.

But then again, if they didn't, Kudo was probably going to die.

_Damned if you do, damned if you don't, _Heiji thought as he threaded his way through the bustling lobby area of Beika General Hospital. Equally reassuring was the news that everyone on their side had survived the firefight, to Heiji's amazement. Officer Takagi had narrowly avoided being shot, heresy was, and two FBI officers were grazed, but luck had been on their side. Two Organization members who had tried to flee the building were found unconscious and tied to a tree a hundred metres from the site. Heiji had a few good guesses as to whom was responsible.

All in all, a major victory. Heiji grinned as he stepped off the elevator and approached the hospital room where "Conan" was awaiting his return. He stopped short, though, when he caught sight of Professor Agasa standing outside it, looking nervous. He was indiscreetly glancing through the windowed portion of the door.

Heiji was immediately curious; usually the Professor did not visit so early in the morning. "Agasa-_hakase_?"

The man glanced over his shoulder at Heiji, who had stopped short, and broke into a wide smile. "Osaka. Good timing."

"Oh-what?" It took a moment for the nickname to compute. "Hey! You're not the Professor...what are _you_ doing here!"

Kid raised a finger to his lips. "Not so loud. I came because I saw something interesting when I was checking up on Kudo - well, you're missing out. I guess he got impatient." He gestured through the door. "Look."

Heiji looked. Conan was lying back with the bed raised, gasping, sweat soaking through his oversized hospital gown. Haibara stood beside him with her arms crossed, her lips a thin line. "He's having some sort of attack!"

"It's the antidote," Kid corrected. "She shot him with it just a few minutes ago."

"What!" Heiji sputtered. "_Why_?"

The thief shrugged. "I don't know. The real Professor probably knows, but he ran off somewhere. You'll have to ask Kudo yourself - I obviously can't." He drew out a metal pick and used it to unlock the door before Heiji had even registered the movement of his hands.

Heiji looked at him questioningly, one hand reaching for the knob, and the fake Professor just shook his head. "Look, Kudo and me may not get along, but in the end we're fighting the same enemy. I'd rather have him as an ally than see him dead." And without giving the detective opportunity to respond, Kid noiselessly eased the door open and gave him a gentle push inside.

Conan didn't notice the new appearance, but Haibara shot him an appraising look before turning her attention back to her patient. "All his signs are normal. So far so good."

The small figure on the bed forced his eyes open to see who Haibara was addressing. "Hattori..."

"What the hell," Heiji said as he crossed the room, schooling his face into a frown. "Why didn't you wait for me to get back? What if you'd...?" He trailed off, unwilling to say it aloud. _What if you'd died, and I never got to say goodbye?_

"Didn't...want you to see," Conan wheezed.

"What about your parents?"

White-faced as he was, the slightest blush tinted the boy's cheeks. "Changing is...embarassing. Kaasan would..."

"Panic," Haibara supplied, checking Conan's pulse. She handed Heiji several medical instruments with her free hand and directed him to the opposite side of the bed. "But as long as you're here, you can help. Lowering his temperature will help keep his vitals under control, so when he starts heating up, wet some towels and bring it down."

"_Heating up?_" Heiji repeated, incredulous.

"It's already happening," Conan whispered, clutching at his chest. He had broken out in a fine sweat, and his other hand wrenched away from Haibara's to fist into the sheets.

Hurriedly the teen detective dumped a stack of towels into the bathroom sink and turned on the water, barely taking the time to wring them out before returning to his friend's bedside. A glance at the door betrayed no sign of Kaitou Kid or any other witnesses. "What's going to happen?"

"The same thing as what he goes through with the temporary antidote, but prolonged," Haibara answered as she followed the erratic lines of Conan's heartbeat on a handheld monitor. "Unfortunately for Kudo-kun, it's going to be _very_ prolonged and _very_ painful. Is Hakase back from talking to Megure-keibu yet?"

"No. Yes," Heiji corrected, realizing that the real Professor must have been called down to the police station, giving Kid the opportunity to take his place. "He's outside."

"Good. He was supposed to be guarding the door, but Megure-keibu called after Kudo-kun had taken the antidote." She looked annoyed that the police had disrupted her experiment. Heiji noticed that the equipment in the room had been rearranged as well; Haibara had taken Conan off his intravenous drip and the contraptions he had seen the nurses inspect so often had their panels opened with wires snaking out. He guessed that whatever devices the nurses used to watch the patients' vitals from outside the room had been tampered with somehow. Haibara followed his gaze but did not expand upon his suspicions, instead directing her attention to the notes on her clipboard. "I feel better knowing that he's out there keeping the nurses away."

"Don't worry, nobody will be coming in here," Heiji said dryly. Haibara shot him a look that made him think he'd said too much. "So what about-"

He was cut off by a loud groan from Kudo, whose back was arching off the bed. Sweat ran down his body in rivulets.

"Normal," Haibara assured them, as nonchalant as if Kudo were an egg on a timer. "No need to get upset."

"That, ah, looks like it hurts quite a lot, doesn't it?"

Conan's bloodshot eyes flew open. "Why _yes,_ so it does!"

"Helpful," Haibara commented dryly.

He could speak no more. The next convulsion seemed almost to tear his small form apart, and Kudo's features were obscured by the steam that rose from every pore in his body. Heiji watched, fascinated, as his feet grew bigger, then shrunk, then grew again, as if they were not sure what size might be correct. At this, Haibara looked _slightly_ interested, but continued to stand silently by. The bed shook violently with the strength of the convulsions, knocking over a cup of water on the table and sending Conan's glasses askew.

Heiji gritted his teeth. "_How_ long for this part?"

"Until his cells submit to the cure's demands." Haibara inspected her nails. "They're quite used to being small, now, after all."

"Think...I'm dying..." Conan gasped out.

"That would be _considerably_ less painful for you," she small scientist informed him. "Bear it a little longer, Kudo-kun. Your hands have already returned to their correct size."

It was true; on Conan they looked gargantuan, one handspan the size of his entire upper arm. Heiji shuddered as he heard the sound of creaking cartilage and bone.

"Doesn't usually...go this way," he said with gritted teeth. "Usually...just the pounding and then..."

"There is a fight going on inside you. Thanks to the Apotoxin's effects, there are more cells to change than ever before...the cure must eliminate those extras that are suffocating you before they can turn their attention to your size. That's why you're changing bit by bit. It's quite grotesque, actually." She added, almost conversationally, "I hope everything expands in the proper order. So far, so good."

"You _hope_?" both asked at once, horrified.

Haibara could do no more than shrug, though Heiji could see from her face that she was not as confident as she wanted Kudo to believe. They all knew this would be risky - they had known that long before he had taken the antidote. What choice did he have, when the only alternative was perishing in that undersized body?

Heiji turned away when Conan's head began to swell, unable to look.

The three of them were silent from then on, except for Kudo's groans of pain. At times he became so loud that Heiji was shocked the nurses did not come running - but with Kaitou Kid guarding the door, who knew what they might have been told? Heiji was suddenly grateful that it was Kid out there with his gadgets and tricks, and not the real professor.

After one particularly loud, choked scream, however, the door opened and Kid burst in, slamming the door behind him. "Seriously? Is he going to make it?"

Haibara's eyes narrowed. "Where is the professor?"

"He went to the police station," Kid replied apologetically. "I came to help you out. But the _screaming_... My God. What's happening to him?"

Only Haibara could even bear to look at this point. Conan's half-changed body lay prone, steaming and shaking. He had buried his face in a pillow to muffle the sounds.

"The antidote is winning," Haibara said confidently. "Every limb that changes means the extra cells have been eliminated. But the hardest parts - his lungs, his heart, his kidneys - are last."

"But he'll make it?"

"He'll live," she said grimly, "as long as he wants to. If he can't bear this part, he won't be able to bear the changes to his internal organs."

As if in response, Conan - mostly Kudo now, by all appearances - howled into the pillow.

Heiji gulped. "You'd better watch the door."

Kid nodded. "There's a noise-canceller on the doorknob. They can't hear a thing. But if 'Neechan comes before he's finished..."

"Mouri-san is coming here?" Haibara whirled.

"You wanted him to die without her saying goodbye?" Kid shrugged, the gesture comical in his Agasa guise. "It's not like she wasn't going to know after today _anyway._"

"You promised me, Hattori...she can't know..." Conan's voice hadn't yet changed. "Don't let her see me like this..."

The others looked at Heiji accusingly. He raised his hands in surrender. "That was before the raid on the Black Organization. Can't we tell her now? What's the harm?"

"All those times...I don't want her to know how close I was, all that time, and that I lied about it..."

"So you're going to lie to her _again?_" Kid asked incredulously.

"I'll tell her! I'll tell her..." He was shuddering and seizing as he said it. "When it's safe...I promise, I just..."

Then he lay quiet. Haibara sprang to his bedside and clutched his wrist in one hand and the monitor in the other, her first loss of composure that Heiji had witnessed since the ordeal began. When she was certain his vitals were there, she let out a long sigh. "He's all right. Just passed out."

Kid and Heiji exchanged a look. They only had time for one before Haibara levelled a glare at them both. "Make sure that she does not come in here unless it's on Kudo's terms. You gave him your word."

"Well, _I_ didn't," the fake professor mumbled.

Haibara's gaze could have melted steel. "And cover that window, too!"

"Okay, _okay! _I'll keep her out! I'll think of something. You'd better live, Kudo, after all this."

The door had hardly closed behind him when Shinichi's limp form began to convulse harder than ever before. Haibara kept her small hand tightly wrapped around his. "This is it. Here comes the worst of it."

And worse it was, racking his body with trembles that shook every instrument in the room. Heiji had to tear the batteries from the smoke alarm before the heat and steam being given off by the transformation caused the entire building to be evacuated. Kid's news of Ran's impending arrival, too, had put even more of a sense of urgency and danger in the room. Heiji's eyes kept flicking to the door, watching every shadow that passed in the hall.

Even unconscious, the last of it caused Shinichi so much pain that he cried out again and his chest visibly expanded. Together they rolled him onto his back and held him down to keep him on the bed. When the shakes subsided and the steam dissipated, his breathing sounded as rough as sandpaper - but he was breathing.

"Is that it?" Heiji murmured, almost afraid to speak.

"It's over," Haibara confirmed. "He's alive. And..." she checked her instruments, noting his pulse, blood pressure, heartbeat and temperature. "And he is cured. Edogawa Conan is no more."

Speechless, Heiji picked up the spectacles from where they had fallen. "That's incredible."

"Now..." She grimaced. "Now, we have to get him out of here."

"We _what?_"

Haibara regarded him as if he were an imbecile. "How long do you suppose it will take before the doctors and nurses come to administer 'Edogawa-kun' with his next round of tests? The plan was always to hurry him away after the treatment; take him back to the Professor's lab. We cannot account for his absence."

"And how did you plan to do that?_"_

"I had intended for him to be conscious," she said mildly, as though escaping from a hospital was the most natural thing in the world. "There is his wheelchair. There are his street clothes. Outside the door is _supposed _to be Professor Agasa, with the car keys. Pardon me if I didn't account for Kaitou Kid interfering with the plan."

Heiji was just glad that _he_ hadn't been the one to call Ran.

"He's coming to," Haibara observed as she touched Shinichi's forehead, her hand tiny compared to his face. "Good. We may get out of this one, yet. Kudo-kun, how do you feel?"

"Like I've been through a meat grinder." His hands flew to his throat at the sound of his own weak voice. "It worked? I'm Kudo Shinichi again?"

"Undoubtedly," Haibara said dryly, sponging some of the moisture from his face. "When you're well enough to go, we need to get out of here. It is up to you what to say to Mouri-san, but we _must_ have you away from this room before three o'clock. Put on those clothes and take what you need. And hurry! Hattori-kun." All three of them were looking at the door, now. "Something's happening out there."

Heiji handed the spectacles to Shinichi, who immediately put them on his face. "I thought you had good eyesight."

"And I thought you had good powers of observation. The transceiver's still out in the hallway, idiot." Shinichi managed a grin.

"Good to have you back," Heiji replied without missing a beat. "Smartass." Then he strode to the door, hoping to slip out quicker than whoever was outside could try to peek in.

He did not expect what he found outside. Mouri Ran was in a heated argument in the hallway...with none other than Kudo Shinichi himself. Professor Agasa, real or otherwise, was nowhere to be seen.

Heiji noticed right away that "Shinichi" was wearing an identical soccer jersey to the one Haibara had brought them the night before. _Man, this guy is _good. _He doesn't miss a thing. But what's his plan?_

Ran leapt for the door, but Heiji was standing in her way. "'Neechan, Kudo. Why are you here in the middle of the day?"

"Shinichi called me and said something was wrong with Conan!" Ran replied, near hysterics. "What's happened, Hattori-kun? Tell me!"

"Oh, uh, he's had to go for...an operation," Heiji said, grasping for something, anything, that would keep her from noticing that there were now _two_ Kudos and no Conan. "You'd better ask his parents for the details; the nurses wouldn't tell me or 'Neechan anything at all - just the two of us here waiting - and his parents are...downstairs. In the cafeteria."

"In the cafeteria," she repeated, her voice shaking.

"Having a coffee?" Kudo-Kid offered unhelpfully.

"Having _coffee_ while their son is having an _operation._" Ran's voice was thick with anger. "Those people...!"

"So why don't we go look for them? Let's go downstairs," Heiji coaxed, trying to put on a smile. If he didn't get Ran out of here now, no way Kudo and 'Neechan would escape before the nurses came for Conan at three o'clock!

Taking her by the arm, he steered her toward the elevator, and Kid obligingly took her other side. The moment he touched her, though, she rounded on him. "And _you_! You haven't returned any of my phone calls or e-mails since _January_! And you knew that Conan was in this state!"

"Well, you know, it...got around the family," Kid replied, looking unsure of himself. "But I was wrapped up in that big case - you probably saw the news this morning-"

"A _case_! Of course it was a _case,_ you mystery _otaku_, you Holmes freak!" she shrilled, drawing the attention of the nurses at their station. She wrenched her arm from his and strode back toward Conan's hospital room.

"Ran, stop! It isn't like that!" Kid was in front of her in a flash. Heiji slipped away from her and hissed sharply into the transmitter. "Hide, hide! She's coming back!"

He had no guarantee that Kudo and Haibara could safely conceal themselves with such little warning, but there was no stopping Ran's wrath now. "Then how was it? You act like you and Conan-kun are best friends, you see _him_ more than you see _me_, but then when he's in the hospital and nobody knows what's wrong with him, _you can't be found_! He needed you!" Her voice was trembling. "_I_ needed you!"

"I'm here," Kid said slowly, searching for the right words for 'Kudo' to say. "I'm back now. I promise."

"'Neechan, you need to calm down," Heiji said, reaching for her arm again. "Why don't you come-"

It was all Ran could do not to reflexively throw him - she stopped only when she had Heiji by the wrist. "Why? Why do you want me to leave? Why can't we wait for Conan and his parents in his room?"

"Neechan, don't-"

"Ran, I-"

She threw the door wide open. Heiji winced, but followed her as she strode inside...and stopped.

The room was bare. Conan's suitcase and all his personal items were gone, including the sheets that had been on the bed. Even the hospital gown that he'd been wearing during the transformation was gone. Haibara was nowhere to be seen.

"What's happened?" Ran whispered. "Why did they take everything out?"

"Because he's not coming back," Shinichi said quietly, and Heiji knew from the soft wheeze in his voice that he was the real thing.

"No..."

Heiji's gut twisted. _Kudo, don't do it! Not like this!_

Ran didn't turn, though, and when Heiji looked back, he saw with surprise that Shinichi looked no worse for wear than if he'd suddenly walked in off the street. Not a hair was out of place, and his formerly flushed cheeks and pallid skin were pale, but healthy. Heiji looked for the doppelgänger, if only to see which one of them was which, but Kid winked at him and melted into the shadows as quickly as he'd transformed his double's appearance. _Damn,_ Heiji thought again, _he's good!_

When Ran did face them, her eyes brimming with angry tears, he could almost see Shinichi deflate. How long had it been since they'd seen each other face to face like this, he wondered? But Ran was in no mood for a reunion. "How could you?"

And then she noticed that Shinichi held Conan's spectacles in his hands. "How _could_ you!"

Heiji was thinking the same thing, but for entirely different reasons. "It's not his fault, Neechan. He called as soon as we, ah, found out..."

"Conan-kun...no..." Ran fell to her knees, covering her face with her hands. "I c-c-can't believe it..."

"And _you_!" She looked up at Heiji accusingly. "After all we've been through, you're not even sad!"

Heiji looked helplessly at his friend. _What are you doing? Seriously! _he mouthed, frustrated beyond words.

Shinichi just shook his head and knelt beside Ran. "It's going to be all right."

She was sobbing now, but she pulled away when he tried to hug her. "You weren't even _here!_"

"Of course I was," he said soothingly. His voice was raspy with the strain of it. "I talked to Hattori and Conan-kun on the phone all the time. Even my mother came to see him. Ran, I know it's hard, but..." he groped for the right words. "Everything is going to be okay now. No more pain. Right? Isn't that good?"

"He has about as much tact as a bulldozer. I shouldn't have tagged him in." Kaitou Kid's voice was close to Heiji's ear, though he couldn't see the thief, no matter where he looked.

"No kidding," Heiji murmured back.

"The little one's downstairs. She took Kudo's things out into the stairwell. She's not impressed with us."

"I wouldn't say so." Heiji glanced up at the clock. It was three minutes to three. "We need to get her out of here. But how?"

"Lie," Kid advised. "It always works for me."

_Of course it's that easy, for him!_ Heiji thought, but he was already nodding frantically toward the door. "Hey, we need to go downstairs, the others are waiting for us."

"No. I need a minute," Ran rasped, rubbing her sleeve against her eyes.

"No, we have to go _now_," Shinichi urged, pulling at her arm - but it was too late.

The door opened and a nurse walked briskly in, holding her clipboard and a pen. "Well now, Conan-kun, it's time for your-hm?" She looked at the empty bed. "Where's he gone?"

"Get out of there!" Kid hissed, and then he appeared in the flesh, back in his Professor disguise, pulling Ran swiftly to her feet. "Ran-kun, you're in hard shape, come on now."

She struggled, but allowed him to lead her from the room, only glancing back once at the confused nurse. "Why don't they know? ! She was Conan-kun's favourite nurse! Why didn't they tell her!"

Grimly, Kid made comforting noises, but he was glaring over her head at Shinichi, who trailed along behind them. "I don't know. Maybe someone _made a mistake._"

This was the wrong thing to say, however, for she looked hopeful, and clutched his hand. "That's right - maybe they made a mistake! Maybe they just moved Conan-kun to a different room. Why don't we go ask at the information desk?"

"Sure," Kid soothed, patting her back. "Why don't you and Shinichi-kun go wait out in the garden while I go check at the desk? I'll find out the truth. _Everybody_ will find out _the truth._"

Shinichi glared at him, but Heiji gave him an approving nod. "Kudo..."

"I know." His sigh was a defeated one. "Sooner or later, the truth comes out. We'll go to the garden."

He slid the glasses onto his face and steered her out the front door.

* * *

_-to be concluded.._. (again!)

A/N: Yes, I know I _completely suck._

It's unlikely that I'll be back to fanfiction writing in any significant capacity...but I did want to finish this one.


	10. Humble Pie

A/N: Yes, I know I'm the worst person in the world, I saw the reviews on Chapter 8. Ahaha.

I had quite a lot of Chapter 9 written back in 2009. I'll admit, though, the idea of writing The Reveal intimidated the heck out of me. Everything about this sacred scene, I just didn't know if I wanted to touch. Would Ran be furious? Hurt? Would she actually forgive him? What range of emotions would she go through? Was it okay to tie a romance scene to The Reveal? I overthought it so much that I left Chapter 9 half-finished, 700 words in on my desktop until I had entirely forgotten how it was supposed to go and I knew I'd have to re-read and edit everything else first. I didn't really have time, honestly. I spent enough time in front of my computer when I could have been out enjoying Japan, and I was working on an original novel (which I have since finished, so at least I got _something_ done). I shuffed to-do fanfics in my Dropbox. I turned off my FFN email notifications. I wrote lots of original fiction and blog posts and even a few _EarthBound_ one-shots.

Yet I didn't write the final chapters of this fic. My roommate still writes frequently (and even in this fandom!), though, so somehow I ended up going through my profile last night and removing all the old unfinished stuff...but I couldn't take this one down. Not so close to the end. Instead I sat down and finished Chapter 8 and then moved on to the finale at last. It took three rewrites of this first scene to come up with something I liked enough to post. And I also re-wrote one of my _Conan_ one-shot stories, "Legal" - you'll find it quite a ways down my profile. Overhauled, 2012-style.

A productive day, to say the least!

* * *

**Only This**

_by Shimegami-chan_

**Finale**

* * *

Shinichi patted Ran awkwardly on the back, cursing his clumsy, shaking hands. Of all the reunions he had imagined over the years, this one hadn't even been on the radar.

He didn't even know how to start this conversation. Where was he supposed to start? Tropical Land? How far would he get before she karate-chopped him onto the pavement and left?

What if she never wanted to see him again?

He fumbled with the glasses, taking them off and then putting them on again. Taking them off again. Would she know him as Conan when she saw them? He had worn them for so long that he felt naked without his spectacles. But she never even turned to look, facing toward the parking lot, her eyes on the ground. He jammed them back in his pocket, sitting heavily on the grass.

"Ran," he began, and then stopped.

"So what's brought you back this time...?" she said at length, crouching down beside him. "Starting a case? Or finishing one? That's always how it is. Or did you really come back to see Conan?"

Shinichi shot her a sidelong glance, his hands twisting knots in his shirt. He could feel the sweat of exertion smearing the makeup Kaitou Kid had applied on his face. He hoped Ran didn't notice. "The end of a case," he said truthfully. "A very, very long one...the biggest case of my career."

"Hm." She didn't sound very interested, but then, Shinichi hadn't expected her to be.

"I've been working on it since...since Tropical Land," he continued quietly.

"That was a long time ago," Ran murmured. It was obvious that her mind was on Conan, not what Shinichi was saying. She clenched and unclenched her hands, pulling up blades of grass one by one.

"You're telling me." He exhaled, a long-suffering sigh. "I haven't been able to relax since that day. Until they were caught."

"And you did?"

"I think so." Shinichi looked up at the sky. "I hope so. Because things are too far gone now to go back. Everything changes after today, whether we like it or not."

Now she looked at him. "Was it that bad?"

"I almost died. Many times," he told her seriously. "Just my being alive put everyone in danger. You and your dad, my parents, the Professor, Hattori...there were so many of them, and only one of me. That's why...that's why I left."

"But you said you were working on a case. Multiple cases."

"I was, but I was also in hiding. I couldn't take a chance that they'd try to get to me through you."

"So you were just _hiding_?"

He winced. It hadn't been the right thing to say after all. "Ran, don't be mad. I'm trying to explain it. Didn't you want the truth?"

"I meant the truth about _Conan-kun!_" she cried. "Or did you forget?"

"How could I?" he retorted, for a moment forgetting to be gentle. "Not even for a minute, Ran. I'm getting to that. The _truth._"

His heart twisted when she looked at him like that.

"I..." Shinichi swallowed hard. "Well, about Conan, you know...he's all right, I promise. He's not hurt or dying. I swear it."

Her features eased with relief. "You mean it? But why? Why did you lie to me?"

"Because you probably won't be seeing him again. At least, not like before," Shinichi said softly, his own heart pounding at the thought of what was to come. There was no going back now.

"Those parents of his!" Ran was suddenly furious, her voice rising. "They _took_ him, didn't they! They took him back to the U.S. and they made you lie about it! I know they're family, but that's _cold_!"

_Man up, Kudo, _he told himself. It was time to take responsibility for what he'd done. "No...that was my fault. I shouldn't have tried to lie my way out of it. Ran...I've told you a lot of lies. I can't even start to explain the whole story until I apologize for those. Even if you can't forgive me for it...all of them were to protect you. Well," he corrected himself, "most of them, anyway."

"You _made it up_?" Her voice was only a whisper now. "So he hasn't left for America? Then why can't I see him again?"

Shinichi took a deep breath. "What if I told you that you had to choose between Conan, or me? You could only have one or the other?"

"Impossible," she told him with eyes as hard as chips of glass. "I could never choose. What a thing to ask!"

"I wouldn't," he assured her. "I wouldn't ask that. You don't even have to answer. But just say...there was no way for us both to stay in Beika. That's the kind of situation this is."

She looked so confused that finally he reached for her hand and held it tightly. He wasn't going to give her a chance to punch him or run away this time. "Ran, Conan and I can't be in the same place at the same time. Every time you've seen us together, it's been an illusion."

"I don't understand," she said at last, though her eyes were wide.

"I think you do," he said gently. "Because you already accused us of it. I know you remember."

"That was a crazy theory," Ran whispered. "It couldn't be real."

He didn't have to respond. He caught her gaze and held it until she looked away, hurt and confused. "But he's always looked like you."

"He always _was_ me," Shinichi replied softly. "I had to hide in a place where I could protect you."

She shook her head. "If this is your way of making me feel better..."

He barked a laugh. "If only it was that easy!"

"If what you say is true," she said slowly, "then you know everything Conan knew. Even-" Ran stopped suddenly, her cheeks flushing. "_Ah-!_"

"Even...?"

"Even about what he said to me...yesterday, when he..."

"When I...?" In answer, he slid the glasses onto his face. For all the times she had seen Conan without his spectacles and thought he looked like Shinichi, there was no denying that when _Shinichi_ wore the spectacles, the resemblance was unmistakable.

Then he leaned in until their faces were almost touching, their lips so close. "When I told you...how I felt..."

"C...Conan-kun..."

He closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear her call him by that name - not like this. Not now. Drawing away from her, he caught her gaze and held it. "_Shinichi_. Because I'm not going to be hiding anymore. Will you let me explain it to you? Will you hear the whole story, from beginning to end?"

All she could do was nod.

* * *

Heiji and Haibara waited inside for what seemed like an eternity, feigning complete surprise when a troop of security guards and nurses searching for the missing patient found them in the lobby. "Didn't he go home?" Heiji had laughed nervously, looking at his young companion for support. "I really thought he'd gone home."

"Yes, his father came and picked him up," Haibara confirmed.

"Impossible. He wasn't discharged - none of the staff were told," the nurse said furiously. "_Nobody_ was told. A patient can't just walk out of here whenever he wishes - especially a child!"

"Is there a problem?"

Heiji and Haibara breathed twin sighs of relief. Yukiko had arrived. "Edogawa-san!"

The head nurse looked at her critically. "Your _son_ is missing from his room."

"Of course." Conan's mother studied her with equal distaste. "We've moved him elsewhere. He certainly wasn't getting any better _here._"

"Of all the-"

"You can't just take him out of the hospital without telling anyone," the nurse who had cared for Conan said reasonably. "You need to fill out papers, he needs approval from the doctors..."

"Well, I'll fill out your papers, but my husband is at the airport with our son," Fumiyo said airily. "I'm afraid he'll have already left with our private doctor for San Francisco before I could fetch him back. Of course, you don't want our son to be _further_ traumatized."

"But his medications!" the kind nurse gasped. "That poor child!"

Conan's mother waved him off. "Our doctor has it perfectly under control. He's the best in the country, you know, and we have all the facilities to treat our son in-flight on the way to America. I _really _don't know why we waited so long to fly him home. But I thank you for his care up until now."

The head nurse just looked at her, speechless.

"And those papers?" she reminded them, a touch of haughtiness in her voice.

"Y-yes, ma'am," the other nurse replied, scurrying away. The head nurse shot her a scathing look and stalked off, the guards at her heels.

"Nicely done, Yuki-neechan," Heiji complimented, wiping imaginary sweat from his brow.

"Thanks...I just hope I did the right thing. I trust you _do_ have my Shin-chan somewhere safe?"

"Safe, and still practicing old habits, I see," Haibara said dryly, jerking her head in the direction of the main doors.

Heiji looked over his shoulder. Shinichi had just entered with Ran, Conan's thick spectacles perched on his nose. Yukiko gasped. Full-grown! Her Shin-chan was all grown up - again!

Ran saw her first. "Shinichi..._that woman..._"

'That woman' flew to her son and enveloped him in a hug. "_There_ you are! Do you have any idea what I've been through today! First your father runs off in the middle of the night, and now _you_ disappear, and then Kaitou Kid shows up and tells me to come to the hospital right away...well, hello, Ran-chan, sorry about this mess..."

"Hello," Ran replied warily. "But you're Conan's..."

"Oh?" Yukiko burst into a broad smile. With her puffy-cheeked disguise and enormous glasses, the effect was rather grotesque. "Oh, did you hear that, Shin-chan? I've still got it! I tell you," she regarded her son seriously, "I never should have left the stage."

"_No way._" Ran's face was incredulous. "It was you the _whole_ time?"

"I need to watch out for my little boy," Yukiko told her, the picture of sincerity. Shinichi rolled his eyes.

"Kid again," Haibara pointed out, looking around the lobby. "First Mouri-san and then Kudo's mother. Did he call everyone _except_ the Professor?"

"I called him too," said a voice in Shinichi's ear. The detective straightened, touching one hand to the arm of his glasses. "He's waiting in the parking lot in that cute little car of his. Good taste. Hey there, don't start peering around, Kudo - I don't need the _whole_ hospital knowing what I look like. I'll keep your little transmitter, if it's all the same...very nice design."

_The professor's_, Shinichi mouthed, thinking Kaitou Kid was still somewhere close enough to read his lips.

He was correct; Kid chuckled. "I'd commend him on his workmanship, but I don't think he's happy with me right now. I had to borrow a few items to complete my disguise."

Shinichi groaned. Ran and Heiji looked at him in surprise, but only Heiji saw the way his eyes searched the crowd. He moved close to Shinichi to hear the voice in the speaker; so much easier now that they were the same height. _And the Organization?_

"Some of them are still out there. Sorry." He paused for just a beat. "But Gin, Vodka and Bourbon are dead. Vermouth and Chianti are in custody - Chianti isn't talking, of course. I don't know how many of them knew your face or your name..."

_"_If there were others, I never knew," Shinichi said, just loud enough for Heiji to hear, but he stopped short when it came to naming the Black Organization operatives who had threatened him for so long._ Gin and Vodka were... _Shinichi just shook his head. _I probably wasn't even a blip on the radar for anyone else but Vermouth. Gin was the threat.__  
_

"Be careful," Kid said softly, and Shinichi had to crack a smile at the thief's concern. "You may be safe, but that girl isn't."

"She knows," said Heiji, nodding at Haibara. "The antidote was only for you."

The thief didn't even sound surprised. Shinichi had to wonder just how much Kid knew about the Organization. "She'll stay a child?"

Shinichi looked down at his hands. "I never asked her directly. I doubt she'd answer...but I always thought that given the choice, she wouldn't go back."

Kid's laughter was eerie in his ears - it was so similar to Shinichi's own. "Those brats - I mean, kids - are good for her. Besides, Ayumi-chan would be heartbroken to lose you both."

The detective's eyes narrowed. "And what do _you_ know about Ayumi-chan? Stay out of my life from now on, if you know what's good for you, Kaitou Kid! I've no obligation to protect _your _secrets!"

"You can't cut that guy a little slack?" Heiji looked at Shinichi, surprised. "Look at the mess he just bailed you out of."

"That's a matter of opinion," Shinichi gruffed, but he knew that it was true.

So did Kid, he knew, because the thief decided to toy with him one last time. When Shinichi opened the backseat door of the professor's car, he found that it was filled with hundreds of paper flowers - and beneath them, a hard disk drive with a post-it note stuck on top. "_Some video recordings that the police might like to have. I included Vermouth's confession, just for you."_

Shinichi's smile was grim. If Kaitou Kid's plan was immunity in exchange for information, well, that didn't sit very well with Shinichi's detective spirit. Still - to know the Organization's secrets...Kid drove a hard bargain. He supposed that as long as the thief didn't cross his path directly, he wouldn't need to seek out Kid just yet.

"I think we'll just call a truce for the moment," he agreed to the air, knowing that somewhere, the thief was laughing at his expense. He looked over his shoulder to where Heiji was in tears of mirth at the flower prank. Even Ran was smiling - the first time she had smiled since he'd confessed it all. Shinichi gulped - he still had bigger problems than Kid to deal with right now.

* * *

In a single day, everything had changed.

That wasn't to say that anyone was particularly sad to see these changes, after everything they had been through. But if Shinichi had spent the first days of his sickness looking forward to returning to the Mouri Detective Agency, he knew now that those times were long past. The one blessing was that Ran agreed not to tell her father the truth - the damage between him and the Kudo family would be far too severe. Instead, "Fumiyo" came to the agency to formally thank him for caring for her son, give him a large cheque, and say goodbye on Conan's behalf as the Edogawa family set out for San Francisco. Like the Detective Boys, Ran and Shinichi agreed that Conan's secret was best kept from those who would never understand. Shinichi begrudgingly left the decision to tell Sonoko up to Ran.

The recordings Kaitou Kid had left him had made getting information about the raid much easier, and Megure let him see Vermouth, though the investigation was still closed to him. Shinichi suspected that it was his father who had arranged it so; Yusaku confirmed. "Stay out of this until you've recovered," he'd instructed. "Leave it to me."

Shinichi didn't care to leave everything to his father (really, _who _was the detective here, and who the novelist?), but his parents had been adamant. And, he had to admit, he felt too much like a zombie yet for the case to get his blood up. A few days of careful thought might be to the benefit of all. What Shinichi really wanted now was to know whether they would be safe - Ran and Haibara, the professor and the Detective Boys; everyone whose lives he would be endangering by coming back. They didn't like it, but they agreed to let him see their canary.

And when he stood before Vermouth and asked why she had done it, she offered him her usual insincere smile. "Don't be silly, Silver Bullet-kun. I don't want to die for the likes of Kir and Chianti."

"Your boss is still out there," he pointed out. "You're in danger even now."

Vermouth locked her hands behind her head, posing and smiling as though she were in a martini bar rather than an interrogation room. "Am I? You trust your police force, don't you? And really, with the speed at which the FBI was unravelling us," she added dryly, "I was getting a little sick of it all anyway. But that's not _really_ why you're here, Shinichi-kun?"

"Isn't it?"

Vermouth yawned, patting her mouth demurely. "Please. I don't think for a second that you won't be hearing everything I've said to your law enforcement. No, you want to know what I _won't_ be telling. I don't gain anything by selling you out."

"Of course. You would have sold me out long ago."

"As for your name - well. Who knows if Gin and Vodka even remembered icing a high school detective? I never heard them mention you, except for Bourbon...but you got yourself into that mess."

Shinichi winced.

She smiled. "I think you're free to go, boy. Must be nice."

"And Haibara?"

"She's not safe. She wouldn't be, until every one of us is dead." Vermouth shrugged. "Good luck with that. Sherry knows it, and so do you."

Haibara did know it. After the visit to the police station, the girl didn't even want to know what Vermouth had said - even being in the lobby of the _building_ where Vermouth was being held gave her chills. Shinichi knew there was no point in asking how Haibara felt about having the cure right there and being unable to take it.

Rather than allow Shinichi to return home, Professor Agasa and Haibara kept him in their care for the first few nights. She acted confident in her antidote, but Haibara didn't seem to want him out of her sight. She even slept in the same room, her _futon_ pulled up beside the professor's, with all of her medical instruments closeby. But Shinichi didn't show any signs of ill-health beyond the malnutrition he had suffered in the hospital. After just one meal, she gave up on trying to "ease" him back into solid foods.

The Kudos came from next door almost as frequently as Hattori Heiji. Shinichi was tempted to tell his parents to back off, but they seemed to be there for the professor's company as much as his own, so he put up with their antics and tried to enjoy having them around. After all, he decided, he had no way to know when they might be jetting off again. It was just as well that he take advantage of food and company when he had it - going back to living alone in the mansion after all those years of Ran's home cooking was going to be quite a leap.

And the only thing missing from his new life was Ran herself.

Shinichi didn't get it. She'd seemed so understanding at the hospital - she had gasped in all the right places during his delivery of the truth of what happened that night at Tropical Land. She nodded uncertainly when he explained why he had agreed to come live with the Mouris. She had even smiled and laughed at their shared memories, especially ones at his expense - it was embarrassing for him to recount the times that he'd been tossed around, teased, mocked and mortified. When he told her about going back to grade school, she had howled with laughter.

He was just glad that she hadn't remembered the hot springs.

Yet even after hearing it all, accepting it all - and more importantly, _not punching him_ - Shinichi still wasn't sure how she _felt_ about him. When they'd brought him back to the house in Agasa's car, Ran hadn't even come back with them. She didn't visit or even call.

And that, he thought, was even more worrisome than the threat of violence.

It was a curse having a near-perfect memory, at times. Shinichi recounted to himself each and every time he had ever done something as Conan that Ran would have slapped Shinichi for. Worse, when he thought back to the way he had confessed, he couldn't help but notice that she had never really confessed back. Was that because she was surprised? She didn't know what to do?

Or didn't she want it anymore?

He _knew_ she liked him. He _knew_ it. It didn't take a great detective to see that! And of course, she knew how _he_ felt...but the longer they went without contact, the more that nagging feeling surfaced. _I pushed her too far. She understands, but she can't forgive me. _

"Do you think it's because Conan was little a little brother?" he asked Heiji worriedly. "Maybe now that she knows I _am_ Conan, the thought of being my...girlfriend...isn't all right anymore?"

"Has it occurred to you that she's just angry because you _lied_?" Heiji retorted, disgusted. "You're lucky she didn't sent you into the stratosphere. Romance is gonna have to wait, Kudo."

"Easy for you to say, you're going home to Kazuha in the morning," Shinichi groused.

"_What_ was that?"

"Oh, don't pretend, Hattori! It's written all over your face!"

Heiji's naturally dark skin had flushed an unbecoming shade of maroon. "Why would I look forward to seeing that idiot? Do you know how much she ran up my phone bill this month!" He decided not to tell Shinichi that he and Kazuha had gone and signed their cell phones up for a 'Pair Plan' to save money. _That_ information would be far too valuable in Kudo's hands!

"If you're so eager to know, invite her out."

"No."

"Fine. _I'll_ invite her out." Heiji took out his cell phone. Shinichi didn't even pay attention until his companion turned the screen around with a grin. "Ten o'clock, Tokyo Station, platform eighteen. You're welcome."

"I was coming to see you off anyway," Shinichi grumbled.

"Well, bring flowers. I like flowers."

The boy detective just rolled his eyes.

If Shinichi thought he was going to have a chance to be alone with Ran, though, he found himself much disappointed when Heiji showed up the next morning - late - at Tokyo Station on the back of his mother's motorbike, and with Yukiko in tow.

"You gave _him_ a ride and left me to get the train on my own?" Shinichi looked at his mother, betrayed. He hadn't even had time to get the flowers.

"Oh, Shin-chan!" Yukiko gushed, throwing her arms around her son as if she hadn't seen him just half a day prior. "But Heiji-kun is _leaving_! He's like my second son now!"

"Evil twin is more like it," Shinichi muttered.

Heiji shrugged. "I've been sleeping in your room and wearing your clothes and letting your mother cook for me - what's _your_ excuse?"

"Where's Ran-chan?" Yukiko was looking around the platform. "It's two minutes to - I thought you wanted to go on the ten o'clock train?"

"I do want to. But I won't leave without Ran-chan." Heiji looked worried. "Any ideas, Kudo?"

"How should _I_ know?" Shinichi retorted.

Yukiko looked between one and the other. "Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"_No_."

Luckily, Ran appeared at the top of the stairs at just that moment, her platform ticket still clenched in her hand. "Sorry! Sorry I'm late! Otousan had all these little chores he was asking about just as I was trying to leave."

"No problem," Yukiko said pleasantly. "At least you got here before the train did!"

"Right. I would hate for him to leave without saying goodbye." Ran smiled, but it was an empty smile, and she levelled it right at Shinichi.

_Cold as_ _ice_, he thought. _So she_ is_ mad! _"Yeah...that would be, ah, awful."

Heiji punched his arm lightly. "After all this, I better see you on the first train to Kansai if _I_ ever get sick! Earlier, if you've got the time. You know you're welcome at my house."

"I'll have time, I hope." The other detective smiled warily. "As soon as we get done convincing the school board that I've been enrolled overseas, though, I'll be busy with that and whatever cases come up."

"Oh yeah, I guess it's 'The Kudo Detective Agency' from here on, isn't it?"

"Actually, no," Shinichi said slowly. "I was going to ask Occhan if he might take me on as another set of eyes."

All three of them looked at him incredulously.

"_Kogorou-kun_?" Yukiko couldn't hide her scepticism. "You aren't going to let the police just consult you, like you used to?"

"And why ask my dad?" It was the first time Ran had addressed him directly since the hospital. "He can't stand you."

"Ouch," Hattori muttered.

Shinichi looked at Ran, trying to gauge her reaction - if she didn't want him around, surely it would show on her face. But she was blank, unreadable. "I just thought that maybe he could use a little help, if he'll accept it from me. Things with be tougher for him without Conan."

"You always were his good-luck charm," she murmured.

Behind the group, a _nozomi_ bullet train was pulling into Platform 18. Heiji slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and grinned at them. "That one's gonna be me. Can't say I'm sad to leave Tokyo behind, but I'll miss you guys. Give my regards to the professor and Ai-chan, and Kudo-san, of course."

"We will," Yukiko promised. "And don't forget to sit on the right side of the train so that you can see Mount Fuji!"

"Say hello to Kazuha for us, too!" said Ran.

"And your friend in white." Heiji winked at Shinichi. "If he's ever in town, he's welcome at my place, too."

"I'll tell him," Shinichi agreed, still thinking that if Kaitou Kid knew what was good for him, they wouldn't be crossing paths anytime soon!

"See ya!" Heiji stepped through the doors. They watched him sit down in a window seat - Yukiko was nodding in approval. After a minute or two, the buzzers sounded to close the doors, and the train began to pull away. The three waved until the Osaka-bound train disappeared around the curve of the track.

"Well," Yukiko said sadly when it was out of sight, "I guess I'd better get back, but the house is going to be a lot quieter. Won't you come home, Shin-chan? It's looking very tidy now. You should have _seen_ the dust."

"I had some idea," Shinichi said dryly.

"Then won't you? Tonight?"

"If Haibara says it's safe, I'll come home," he promised.

His mother looked at Ran. "Ran-chan, come for dinner? I'll make Shin-chan's favourite lemon pie. I know you love it too."

"I guess so," Ran said uncertainly.

"Marvellous." She clapped her hands together. "I'll see you at seven. Don't be late, now!"

Shinichi didn't need to ask his mother why she seemed to be in so much of a hurry - he could tell that she suspected something was amiss. Yukiko disappeared down the staircase before Ran could so much as ask her for a ride home.

When they were alone - or alone as they could get with another bullet train boarding across the platform - Ran looked at him expectantly, but he didn't know what to say. None of the practising he'd done with Hattori had actually prepared him for getting her alone with that look on her face.

"You don't want to be around me," he concluded, and he could see in her eyes that it was true.

"That's not it." Ran protested.

"Then what?"

She shook her head. "I don't know _how_ to be around you. You're...a completely different person than who you were before. You're not even the person I thought you were _last_ week."

"Yes, I am," he argued. "I'm still the same as I always was!"

"No, you _aren't!_ You were a jerk-faced, perverted, skirt-chasing..._jerk_...when you disappeared. Then you created this cute seven-year-old persona that you had to keep to all the time and every time I saw 'Shinichi' he was different than how I remembered...which one is _you_?"

"All of them," he said softly. "Even when I wore a younger face, I was still me."

Ran shook her head. "Conan wasn't you."

"Well, now that I look like this," he gestured at himself, "I can't exactly go by that name anymore."

Her face crumpled.

"But Ran, don't you get it?" he hurried on. "I _am_ Edogawa Conan. He's me. I've been him for so long that...well, I guess I'm more Conan than Shinichi nowadays. Isn't that okay? That old Kudo Shinichi, from before I shrunk...he just grew up." Shinichi made a face. "Figuratively speaking."

Her voice was hardly above a whisper. "I don't know what to think. I missed you. Even if you were a...a...well, not always the nicest person. You were my...best friend." She swallowed. "But now I miss Conan-kun, and finding out that he wasn't...real...is just hard."

"Not real? Why wasn't he real?" Shinichi pressed. "Didn't he - didn't _I_ - try to be a friend to you? Didn't I eat your cooking every night and hold your hand when you were upset? Didn't I come for you when you needed to be rescued? I kept secrets, Ran, but it was always me. I was always looking out for you."

"You were always...getting into trouble," she had to laugh, just in case she cried. "Getting us locked up with murderers and thieves. Running off by yourself. So hard-headed."

"What else?"

"Stubborn. Sneaky. So serious - never acted like a real kid." Ran took a deep breath. "Conan never told me when something was wrong with him or when it was right. A Holmes maniac - and so dramatic! You'd think that the whole world revolved around him. Everything had to be his way or the highway."

He looked at her expectantly.

Her eyes widened. "Maybe you're right. You were - so similar."

"What does it matter if I'm not the, well, as you put it - the _jerk-faced jerk _that I was before APTX? Is _that_ Shinichi the one you want around?"

"No," she admitted. "He's not."

Shinichi caught her hand in his. "Then didn't you notice, all those times on the phone? That I was different from before?"

"I couldn't _see_ you."

"I couldn't lie to you about the important things," he said softly. "Ran, I _wanted_ to tell you. I wanted you to know. But I wasn't willing to risk your life for it. All I could do was wait for the day when I could come back for real. There were so many things I wanted to say to you that I just couldn't say to you as Conan."

"Like...like what?"

"Like how I...f-_feel_ about you..." his throat seemed to have been replaced by a giant, hissing snake. It had been so much easier to say this when he wasn't in control of his senses! "I told you in London...that I always wanted...to be more than your friend. Even more than your best friend."

Ran stared at the floor. "Then the kiss wasn't...because of the drugs?"

"What? _No_! I've always felt that way! And I tried so many times...to tell you how I felt and that I wanted you to wait for me...it's always been about you. About coming back to you. I thought wasn't ever going to see you as Shinichi again, when I kissed you in the hospital...it was the best I could do, given the circumstances. If it made you so uncomfortable..."

He noticed that her hand was shaking. He took it in both of his. "I understand if you don't see me as boyfriend material now that you know where I've been all this time. But if that's how it is, then I want to change your mind."

"B-b-boyfriend?" she stuttered, red as a tomato.

Shinichi took a deep breath. "I am _asking_ you to be my girlfriend, Ran. I really like you. I've...been in love with you for a long time."

"Shinichi!"

He shook his head. "I messed up big-time. I'm sorry. But I don't need to keep secrets from you anymore. I _won't._"

"I don't know what to say..."

"As long as you don't say that you see me as a little kid," he replied. Impulsively, he pulled her close and kissed her on the cheek, even though the station was full of people. All around them, other couples were solemnly shaking hands to say good-bye.

Ran jumped and looked around, making sure nobody had seen them. "H-Hey! What was that for?"

"Because I don't remember what it was like last time," he said. "And honestly, if you don't want me around, that might have been my last chance."

"You idiot!" She shoved him, but not nearly as hard as he knew she could. "You better not embarrass me in public if we...if we...!"

"If you say yes?" Shinichi asked, mouth dry.

"Yes," she muttered. "Of course it's yes. If I didn't give up on you _all that time_...I'm not giving up on you now."

"Ran." The relief he felt was immeasurable. "I'll make it all up to you. I promise."

"You'd better," she instructed. "And I'll start working on my dad, but if he finds out about Conan, your life is over. You'd better go back to the Apotoxin, because you won't last long."

Shinichi shuddered.

"Also, I'm not cleaning up after you in the office anymore. You're a big boy now. As for cleaning _your_ house, I'll show you to the broom closet."

"Aw, but Ran..."

"And maybe you could wear your glasses every little while." She nodded to herself. "Just for old time's sake. But not when Otousan's around, of course."

"Of course."

"And one more thing-"

"Ran!"

"What?"

"Is it so bad, knowing that your first kiss was me after all?" He grinned. "The next one - it'll be better, I promise."

"You idiot - you set a pretty high bar for confessional kisses!" she laughed, and Shinichi was so relieved to see her smile. "You'll pay for that one! After all you put me through, you'll be making it up to me for a _long_ time!"

"I'm prepared for that," he promised, and he smiled back. "So are we? Or aren't we?"

"We are," said Ran. "I've been waiting way too long to tell you 'welcome back,' again. No more secrets, this time. That's all I ask."

"No more secrets," he agreed. "We won't need them anymore."

And then, even though the platform was teeming with departures and arrivals, he kissed her again.

"_Shinichi_!"

"It's too late - you already agreed!" he reminded her with a grin.

"I should have known it was you all along, Kudo Shinichi!" she told him, but he knew she wasn't angry. Not for real. "Because you never, ever _really_ change, do you!"

"Should I?"

"No." Her hands tightened their grip on his shirt. "I like you just the way you are. Jerk. Deduction freak."

"Wow, I sure missed hearing _that. _Say it again."

"Shinichi!"

"I'm serious!" he protested. "I missed it! I missed _you_!"

"I missed you too," she murmured. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too."

Even if the Black Organization was still out there...even if they had many more scrapes ahead of them. Even if he had to fight her father every day for his approval and eat humble pie as his 'assistant' detective. Even if he had to live with the guilt of leaving behind Ayumi and the others, and lying to Ran for the rest of his days - Shinichi was just glad that everything was as it should be, at long last.

_-fin-_

* * *

A/N: 'At long last,' indeed. Thank you to everyone who supported this story over such a long period of time.

I hope, too, that my depiction of The Big Reveal wasn't too out-of-line with what Aoyama envisioned for the end of his saga. Someday, we'll all know.


End file.
